Though mothering is mostly a joy, every mother has those days when the bliss is buried under a mountain of to-do items, especially when the kids are home for the holidays. Here are some ways to get your mama groove on every day.
When your kids are pushing your buttons or doing something that is completely unacceptable, count to 10 (sometimes a lot more!) and talk to yourself in the process. Tell yourself to “stay calm and in control”. By taking a few seconds to step away the situation, you should be able to reach a reasonable state where you can handle your child without losing control. When you work to manage your own behaviour first, you effectively neutralise the power struggle.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, so stop aiming for that. Just be the best parent you can be; allow yourself to make mistakes and show your children that striving to do your best is always the goal.
Having a regular time to wake up, leave for school, get home from work, eat dinner, and put the kids to bed makes the day go much more smoothly. Being consistent with your schedule eliminates a lot of decision making, and contributes to a calmer household.
When our kids yell at us, we feel tense. When we yell at out kids, we feel worse. It is much easier for people, including your children, to listen to a firm but calm voice than to a yelling voice. You want your kids to listen to your words rather than to focus on your anger.
Not everything is an emergency. And some things can wait. So just take a deep breath and enjoy this roller coast ride of parenting. Enjoy the highs but don’t get too low with the lows. Things will always get better.
When you arrive home from work, your children are excited to see you and have a lot of things to share. Give each one a quick hug, then go into your room alone for 10 minutes. This short break will rejuvenate you for the rest of your busy evening. Your kids won’t like it, but you will, and they will learn to accept it.
You chose your partner for a reason, but it’s sometimes difficult to remember why during the chaos of raising kids. One day the kids will be grown and you two will be alone again. Keep your relationship fresh with a weekly or monthly date night. Just a simple movie and dinner with adult conversation is a wonderful treat.
You spend a lot of time setting up play dates for your kids. Well, set some up for yourself. You deserve to have fun too.
Clutter enhances the feeling of stress and inability to think straight. The fewer bits and pieces in your pathway, the calmer you are going to feel. Not to mention the less cleaning up involved. Get the kids to help sort the mess out if it’s theirs. Get them to use storage boxes for their books, toys, CDs, etc, instead of leaving them on the floor. Come up with a house rule that they need to clear their own things and if they fail, the items will be donated to a charity. You must mean this and you must be prepared to do it for this ultimatum to have real effect.
If you are always wondering what to make for dinner, spend half an hour a week to plan the meals. It doesn’t have to be incredibly specific or you will dull down the cooking process and spontaneity, but at least write “pasta – Mon”, “steak – Tues”, “pizza – Wed”, “sushi – Thurs”, “take-out – Fri”. That way you have an idea of the main meal and can decide on the flavours and style on the night, with the main ingredients at hand.