Mindfulness is the new way of approaching relationship problems that stops the blame game. So what does that mean? It means really “living in the moment”. Try it these steps next time when you’re revving up for a fight with your spouse.
Text: Annie Tan, The Singapore Women’s Weekly, March 2016 / Additional reporting: Sylvia Ong
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“Sometimes, couples quarrel because they expect the relationship or their partners to be perfect. However, a relationship cannot be always smooth-sailing. It’s normal to encounter obstacles and disagreements,” explains Dr Adrian Wang, consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre.
“It’s not only important to be mindful that one cannot be happy all the time; it is important to be mindful of your own and your partner’s feelings as well. For example, if you’re feeling tired or irritable after a long day at work, you should be aware that it’s not the best time to engage your partner in a serious discussion.”
You’re in the midst of an argument and you’re getting angrier by the moment. Instead of launching missiles of hurtful words, look into each others’ eyes, share your feelings and calm down to discuss the problem objectively. “Once you’re both feeling upset and sensitive, stop. Things that seem very important at the moment may be less so after you have cooled down,” says Dr Wang.