Friendship is a funny thing. Good friends are essential to our emotional and physical wellbeing but toxic ones can leave us in tears every time there’s a get-together. So, what should you do when you don’t see eye to eye anymore, or have simply grown apart? Here are 10 reasons why it’s alright to let go of friends and what to do when you’re heading for a BFF breakdown:
By Sumiko Tan, Straits Times / Additional Reporting by Natalya Molok
You are not the same person you were a year ago and neither is your friend. You’ve changed, she’s changed and maybe you’ve both outgrown each other. Don’t take it personally or feel guilty when a friendship fizzles out.
Don’t force yourself to like someone when it’s clear you have nothing in common. Friendship has to be mutual, both parties must commit to it and the desire to be friends must be there. If it isn’t, move on.
Just because you’ve been friends since you were 5 years old, it doesn’t mean you have to feel obliged to stay friends at 50. Maintaining a friendship that has run its course will be exhausting for both of you.
The upside to letting some friends go is the opportunity to make new friends who see you the way you want to present yourself now. Old friends, on the other hand, tend to dwell on the past and hardly ever change their perception of you.
Sometimes, a marriage can get in the way of friendships. You don’t have to be friends with your friend’s spouse and neither do they. If it affects your friendship then so be it, you’ll both be happy in your respective marriages anyway.
There’s no good or bad way to break up with a friend but it does pay to be nice. Let your friend know if there’s something bothering you and talk it out. If you do need to end it, do so cordially, and leave the door open to mending your ties in the future.
Do not think that just because we live in the age of social media, that it’s ok to text or email your friend a breakup note. (Wo)man up and have the decency to meet your friend face to face to explain your reasons. If confrontation makes you nervous, make a list of reasons why you’re phasing them out.
It may be tempting to list out all the ways a friend has done you wrong but the right thing to do would be to focus on just one or two reasons instead. Not only will it be less painful for her, you also won’t be burning your bridges completely.
Give your friend a chance to defend themselves and their behaviour. There is a chance they might not have known that their actions were irking you. Let them respond and then both of you can decide if you want to continue as friends.
You may be eager to get rid of your friend fast and turn to ‘ghosting’ (disappearing without explanation) as a way out. This is an absolute no-no as it can painful for the person on the receiving end and evoke feelings of betrayal and disappointment.