And let's talk paternal involvement |

Baby steps, baby steps

It’s been a buzzy week, with the slew of Budget 2023 measures aimed at supporting prospective parents. The enhanced Baby Bonus Cash Gift (by $3K), more funds in the Child Development Account, and fixed dollar relief for Working Mother’s Child Relief are all music to the ears, including mine, even though I have two kids and none of these measures apply to me unless I have a third.

Speaking on behalf of middle-income working mothers, financial support is always welcome. Just like the rising prices of food and transport (and basically everything else), the cost of maternal care is only set to go up. I’m talking about things like pre and postnatal checkups, supplements (hello folic acid, DHA, and calcium), and childbirth hospitalisation expenses. So, cheers to more handouts.

But if there are hopes for an improvement in Singapore’s fertility rate in 2024, I’ll be holding my breath. As far as I know, the decision to have a child, be it the first, second or third, is complicated and goes beyond monetary concerns. Add to that increasing fertility woes due to delayed attempts to conceive. The median childbearing age of first-time mothers in SG was 31 in 2020, and it has been climbing steadily every year.

Fertility issues aside, for women in my social circle and in their 30s, their top non-financial worries about having kids are: work-family balance, family and childcare support, and paternal involvement. Unlike in the past when women were more resigned to quitting their jobs to look after their children full-time, women these days want to keep their jobs (specifically, financial independence) after having kids. And in doing so, not feel like they’ve been discriminated against.

A friend of mine, who has two kids under 4, is worried about getting a poor appraisal because she has taken more leave than her non-parent colleagues to look after her kids. At her company that’s supposedly pro-family, unused leave can be rolled over to the following year. As a result of taking more leave, she has “fallen behind” in terms of handling her workload, which is understandable. Her bosses have suggested on multiple occasions that she hire a domestic helper.

Next, let’s talk about paternal involvement. Modern women expect their partners to contribute fairly throughout the child-raising journey, including taking turns to look after the child and helping out with day-to-day chores. In pursuit of gender equality, I don’t think those are big asks. The same friend of mine laments about “solo parenting” as her husband is often out of town for work. For that reason, she cannot imagine having a third kid, because “I can hold a child with each hand, but how do I hold the third?”

My point is, motherhood presents a plethora of potential dilemmas that are not difficult for modern, educated women to realise. And this mash-up of factors makes it super easy for family planning to take a backseat, financial concerns or not.

While it’s heartening to hear that paid paternity leave will be doubled to four weeks come 2024, I hope that dads-to-be will seriously look at utilising those four weeks when the time comes. And more importantly, know that their paternal duties don’t stop there. For Singapore to be “made for families”, we need fathers’ unwavering commitment to be meaningfully involved in family duties. For the rest of their lives.

Estelle Low - Editor-in-Chief, The Singapore Women's Weekly (@estellelow)
Estelle Low
Editor-in-Chief, The Singapore Women's Weekly (@estellelow)
 
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