If you’re a newly-married couple living with your parents-in-law or even if you’ve been married for years and live in a multi-generational household with kids, the question of when to have sex inevitably crops up from time to time. If you’d like to stay extra discreet when doing the deed and want to minimise the bed squeaking that comes all that rigorous activity, here are some stealth positions to try if you don’t want complaints from the other people living with you:
While not always the easiest position to maneuver, especially when taking height differences into consideration, stand-up sex does eliminate the possibility of furniture moving about. It’s also quite good if you’re considering shower sex, where running water will be able to drown out any sounds.
2. The "cavity search"
For this out-of-bed position, one partner stands up with their legs spread and bends down to grab their ankles, and the other enters from behind. Sexologist Jessica O’Reilly considers it “the perfect alternative to bouncing around in a creaky bed.”
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Spooning sex doesn’t require a lot of movement because with one partner entering from behind, most of the thrust will be from side-to-side instead of up-and-down.
WeVibe’s Global Passion Ambassador Tristan Weedmark recommends “taking the spotlight off of intercourse for the weekend and focus on all of the other less-squeaky types of sex.” Oral sex is good if you’re trying to be discreet as it involves less of an in-and-out motion, so it’s less likely to displace any objects.
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One person bends down at the side of the bed and rests their elbows on the bed while the other stands behind them for this one. By using the side, you’re ensuring that the headboard doesn’t rattle against the wall.
6. The Sit-Down
A chair creates the perfect angle for you to enjoy yourself and if you find a study one that doesn’t move about a lot, then you won’t disrupt the peace in the house either.
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7. The Slow Dance
If you’re not comfortable with the previous positions on offer, the regular missionary is fine as well but just remember to more extra slowly. You’ll get all the benefits of a regular-paced session but your nerve endings will react in the most explosive of ways.
8. The Minimalist
If you don’t trust yourselves to stay quiet enough to prevent the bed from squeaking, you can try moving to the floor, covering yourselves with blankets or pillows or lining the bottom of the door with a towel.
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