When all is well with your relationship, it may seem as if you can achieve everything with your soul mate at your side. However, if your marriage is struggling, you’ll probably feel the exact opposite. You’ll start to see things negatively and the world suddenly looks bleak.
If your relationship is stuck, all is not lost and finding the right person to get you back on track can be the solution to getting you back to that place where you can take on the world together.
A secret to relationship success is not waiting until things are dire. Seeking help when you first see signs of difficulty and getting tips on how best to resolve your issues are crucial at this point.
Here are eight signs that your marriage may need some intervention from a counsellor.
You keep fighting over the same thing and it’s never resolved
Often we have recurring themes in our arguments, but if you feel that you’re not getting heard and you can never reach a resolution or compromise, it’s time to find some help. Experts say if you keep having the same arguments over and over again, it indicates something isn’t working in your communication and conflict resolution. A professional couple’s counsellor or therapist would be able to provide you with the tools you need to resolve conflict quickly and effectively.
You fear speaking up
If you’re afraid to bring up issues with your spouse, you need to ask yourself why. If you are afraid of arguments or conflict, then it’s likely a cycle of communication break-down is already at play. If you’re afraid of violence or aggression, then you definitely need to seek counselling.
You don’t bother connecting anymore
Communication is key to any relationship, it’s how we connect. If you no longer wish to connect with your partner you need to ask why you’re still in the relationship. Relationship expert and trained counsellor Clinton Power says, “One of the most important aspects of being in a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate about important issues. And of course it’s incredibly rewarding to be able to talk to your partner about even mundane day-to-day things, so life isn’t so lonely and you can support each other.”
All you see is negative
If you imagine a relationship as a bank, and every negative comment is a withdrawal, eventually your bank account is going to be depleted. You need to continuously make relationship deposits to ensure your love stays in credit.
If someone is constantly negative towards you, it’s hard to feel positive towards them. Often negativity is a mindset, so if you need to change your negative mindset, a few sessions with a counsellor might help you out.
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Sex becomes the white elephant
Sex lives wax and wane as a natural part of life, but when sex becomes the elephant in the room and you are not only not doing it, but having trouble talking about it, it might be time for some professional help.
“It’s normal for all couples to go through stages of low and high sexual activity throughout the course of a relationship. However, if you’re not having sex with each other for months or even years and you can’t resolve this, that’s a serious issue that requires professional help,” says Clinton.
“A trained sex therapist or relationship counsellor trained in sexual issues can help you in this case.”
You’re making mountains out of molehills
If small issues like picking up shoes or who left the plate by the sink turns into a large argument, it’s possible that you have deeper issue eating away at you underneath.
Getting to the bottom of your conflict may not be easy on your own, you may not even fully understand at a conscious level, so seeking help with the big things can improve your relationship, and you’ll find it will be easier to let the smaller things slide.
You’re resorting to threats
Nobody responds well to threats and if you’re reducing yourself to threatening to leave or various other negative vibes then it’s unlikely that things will turn out well for you.
Clinton advises, “Being able to positively influence your partner is an important aspect of any relationship – it’s a good thing and both partners need to be good at it. But if you’re using threats to influence your partner, this is damaging and destructive to your relationship. While threats might work in the short term, you’re actually undermining your relationship in the long term.”
You want to walk away
If you’re at breaking point and you’re ready to call it quits it’s not too late for professional help.
Clinton says, “Many relationships and marriages can actually start to improve at the point of breaking up. But make no mistake about it, it requires hard work, discipline and commitment.”
Text: Bauer/The Australian Women’s Weekly