Find yourself always saying no to sex? You’re not the only one. A decline in desire and libido in any long-term relationship is common for any couple, with some even experiencing no desire at all.
Psychologists say that lovemaking keeps the connection strong between a couple. Sex is extremely important as it is a part of who you are as a couple. Frequency will change and probably the type of sex you have may change, but you’re in a unique relationship with your other half and it’s important to maintain that connection.
The health benefits associated with having more sex are huge – especially to your general happiness and well-being. Researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder in the US recently found that couples who have more sex reported higher levels of happiness – and those who thought they were having more sex than their peers were even happier!
So with that in mind, here’s how to challenge those common sex-skipping excuses and get up the ante in the bedroom.
I’m Too Tired
While ongoing fatigue can be a sign of health issues and should be checked out by your doctor, only you know best if you’re too tired for sex. Realistically, 15 minutes of sex doesn’t take a lot of energy. If you’ve got energy for other things, then you are sure to have it for sex. But if you’re too tired for long sessions… then why not a quickie?
I Have No time
Finding time for sex is all about prioritising the things in your life. Ask yourself, what is more important – goodwill in a relationship or a clean kitchen floor? And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with scheduling sex. Plan and agree on the best times for sex: the end of a long, tiring day is usually not the best time. If regular intercourse is unrealistic, talk about other ways to maintain physical intimacy, for example, sensual massages or oral sex. You don’t have to look for two-hour gaps. All you need is just 15 to 30 minutes.
While this may be an all too common and unspoken complaint for many couples who have been together for a long time, avoiding sex that’s become routine or boring isn’t a great strategy. Don’t be apathetic about it; figure out what you can do about it. Go buy a sex book, attend a tantric sex course, buy sex toys, and talk about spicing things up.Take charge and speak to a sex counsellor or a sex therapist… and in case you are wondering, there’s nothing wrong in that either.
I’m Not in The Mood
We expect our sex lives to stay the same but they don’t. As you age, we have to learn to adapt and compromise to engage in lovemaking not because you are horny but because you love your spouse, you want an orgasm, you want to be caressed, you want to be loved and you want to be told that you are beautiful.
Don’t Rush Off
The time immediately after sex is as important and special as the lovemaking itself. It is not the time to fall sleep, dash to the loo, or get up and pack the next day’s lunch boxes. Stop and luxuriate in the feeling. Leaving straightaway creates insecurity and may give the impression that you didn’t value the special time you just had together.
When things aren’t right in your sex life, intimacy tends to be lacking. It can be a source of worry and stress. But take heart – there is much that can be done, says Cate Campbell, a psychosexual counsellor and author of The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy. “If you are willing to make the effort, a lot can be changed, “she says.
Text: Good Health, Bauer Syndication. Additional Reporting: Shenielle Aloysis