• Food
  • Family
  • Beauty & Health
  • Style
  • Great Women
  • Events/Win
  • Food
    • Eating Out
    • Cooking Tips
    • Festive Food
    • Asian Recipes
    • Food
    • Celebrity Recipes
    • Dessert Recipes
    • Healthy Recipes
    • Quick & Easy Recipes
    • Western Recipes
  • Family
    • Family
    • Save Money
    • Parenting
    • Sex & Marriage
    • Travel
  • Beauty & Health
    • Beauty & Health
    • Skincare
    • Makeup
    • Hair
    • Awards
    • Diet & Nutrition
    • Fitness
    • Wellness
  • Spa Awards 2022
  • Style
  • Great Women
    • Career
    • Great Women of Our Time
    • Real Life
  • Entertainment
  • EVENTS/WIN
  • #SchoolForLife
  • Hair Awards
  • Great Escape
  • Explore Singapore
  • Also available at:
Privacy Menu
SPH Media

Copyright © 2022 SPH Media Limited. Co. Regn. No. 202120748H. All rights reserved.

  • Food
  • Family
  • Beauty & Health
  • Style
  • Great Women
  • Events/Win

Beauty & Health

5 Ways To Overcome Exhausting & Stressful Perfectionism

Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors
Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors
Beauty & Health

5 Ways To Overcome Exhausting & Stressful Perfectionism

Perfectionism is exhausting and it keeps us busy, very busy. Here’s how to overcome perfectionism

June 9, 2021
Do you always have to be the best at what you do? You can't accept being second best? Do you feel like you deserve punishment or criticism when you make a mistake? Do you feel that nothing you do is good enough?

Do you always have to be the best at what you do? You can't accept being second best? Do you feel like you deserve punishment or criticism when you make a mistake? Do you feel that nothing you do is good enough?

Perfectionism is exhausting and it keeps us busy, very busy. It shows up as impossible goals, standards beyond reason and self-worth tied entirely to productivity, accomplishment and looking good. Exhausted yet? Believe me, so was I.

This was my life for a long time. Until I became brave enough to be imperfect. This took courage as the need to be perfect means that average or anything less than perfect feels like a failure. As a transformation coach, I have helped hundreds of women overcome perfectionism.

Here is a list of insights I have gathered over the years:

READ NEXT

3 Ways To Change Your Perfectionist Mindset (And Be Happier!) In 2021

8 Ways To Ensure Your Relationship Survives A Busy Work Life

13 Productive Habits To Help You Become A Morning Person

https://www.womensweekly.com.sg/gallery/beauty-and-health/5-ways-to-overcome-exhausting-stressful-perfectionism/
5 Ways To Overcome Exhausting & Stressful Perfectionism
1. Gain awareness that you may be a perfectionist
image

When I work with clients, I ask them a series of questions to awaken them to the fact that they may be a perfectionist. This trait, for so many people, is in their blind spot.

These are some of the questions that I ask: Do you always have to be the best at what you do? You can’t accept being second best? Do you feel like you deserve punishment or criticism when you make a mistake? Do you feel that nothing you do is good enough? Is there a destination in the future where you feel you will be successful, happy and at peace?

If you have answered ‘yes’ to these questions, can you see that you may be adopting a black and white thinking to your life. You may be doing life with a perfectionist mindset.

Envato
2. Understanding where your perfectionism started
image

We are not born perfectionists. When we understand where our perfectionism started, we can identify a recurring pattern from that initial point. In identifying patterns that don’t serve us, we stand to break them.

Most of the time our perfectionism begins in our childhood. We were taught that love is measured to standards and is not unconditional. You may have a memory where you did not meet this standard and had an experience of being shamed. Praise may have been rare or non-existent as a child, whilst the expectations of accomplishment were very high. It is useful to identify early childhood moments where you may have had these experiences and to describe them in detail in a journal. Journal writing allows for a clear perspective and honest reflection. 

Envato
3. Acknowledge that breaking up with perfection is difficult
image

Overcoming perfectionism can feel impossible at times. Workaholism – an expression of perfectionism – is addiction that too often we are rewarded for. As a perfectionist, you get a lot of positive feedback. You receive validation, job promotions and sparkly new titles. There is zero motivation to overcome a way of bein, that society places a great value on.

Another courageous truth is that perfectionism may have served you as you may be highly successful. This has given you great validation and lifts your self-esteem. Due to these factors, perfectionism is very difficult to overcome on your own.

Fundamentally, you believe that if you let go of your exceptionally high standards, that your life is going to fall apart. So have compassion for yourself that this trait is a challenging one to overcome. 

Envato
4. Understanding the negative impact breaks the cycle
image

When I work with clients, the breakthrough moment is when they discover that the cost of their perfectionism far outweighs the benefits. Perfectionism can be highly anti-social, as we are critical of people who do not meet our high standards. And when we are always comparing ourselves to others, it is hard to form truly close and vulnerable relationships.

Perfectionism produces rigidity at work. Whilst your work may be a high standard, it may be a common experience that your staff and colleagues around you will not, ’feel’ good enough. There is a silent inner voice that is ‘heard’ and ‘felt’ by those around you. Perfectionists often procrastinate and there is a real loss of productivity. Finally, the body does keep score of our mental thoughts. We quite often find that we are burnt out, experience adrenal fatigue and exhaustion.

I request that my clients become very aware as to how big the costs are to them. How much longer are they willing to experience the increasing negative effects of perfectionism? Another journal writing exercise is to write an exhaustive list of all the negative impacts that perfectionism is having on your life. 

… and one very important final insight.

Envato
5. Failure can wake us up
image

When life decides it has had enough of our perfectionism, it conspires to free us from it by letting us fail. If we do not awaken to our perfectionism, I have witnessed that the universe will help us to awaken to it. Can we let the disintegrating marriage, the redundancy, the start-up failure, bring us to our knees?

All these ‘failures’ teach us a much-needed life lesson, that it’s okay to fail. That we do survive. If we harness the learnings, we actually thrive on the other side of this challenging experience. Most importantly, the back of our perfectionism can be broken. As our worst fears have not come true. That we are loveable, accepted with the perceived imperfections in our life.

When we lower an impossible bar, even just a little, we actually create the space for energy and vitality. It is only then that we give ourselves the chance to grow into what we are truly destined to be. And that is the now on-purpose versions of ourselves! What this creates, is a new liberated mindset to make brave decisions in our life and to give ourselves the freedom to live our lives authentically.

Envato
image

Read Next

10 Reasons Why You're Always Stressed Out (And How To Fix It With Feng Shui)

8 Ways To Ensure Your Relationship Survives A Busy Work Life

3 Ways To Change Your Perfectionist Mindset (And Be Happier!) In 2021

  • TAGS:
  • perfectionism
  • stress
  • stress management
  • wellbeing
  • Wellness
  • Wellness & Health
SHARE THIS ON

What’s Hot

Beauty & Health

Zoe Tay, Rebecca Lim And Other Asian Cel...

Beauty & Health

8 Most Therapeutic And Fun Hobbies To Re...

Beauty & Health

Try These Tips To Sleep Better Every Night

Beauty & Health

Ginseng: The Secret Ingredient Behind Ko...

Beauty & Health

4 Simple Exercises To Improve Your Stability

Beauty & Health

This Is How Jang Na-Ra Looks 20 At 41

Beauty & Health

6 Things To Know About Chanel's Newest P...

Beauty & Health

If You've Had Covid-19, You Have More Ri...

Beauty & Health

Here's What Joanne Peh Uses To Look Radi...

Are Plastic Food Containers Safe For You...

Beauty & Health

Understated (But Stunning) New Hairstyle...

Family

9 Must-Know Ways To Protect Your Family ...

Don’t Miss These
  • Awards This is the perfect escape from urban life to relax, rech...
  • Awards This Postpartum Recovery Centre Is A Must-Go Haven For Ne...
Editor’s Picks
  • Beauty & Health Zoe Tay, Rebecca Lim And Other Asian Celebs On The Beauty Of Getting Older
  • Diet & Nutrition Savour The Deliciousness Of Chocolate While Being Kind To Your Gut
  • Beauty & Health 8 Most Therapeutic And Fun Hobbies To Reduce Stress
  • Beauty & Health Try These Tips To Sleep Better Every Night
  • Organising A KonMari Consultant's Hack For Saving Time & Money At Home
  • Hair This Elixir And Shampoo Combo Promises To Revitalise Your Hair And Scalp
  • Beauty & Health Ginseng: The Secret Ingredient Behind Korean Women’s Youthful Skin
  • Skincare Jamie Yeo Swears By These 7 Beauty Products To Maintain Her Youthful Appearance
Don't Miss Out Ever Again!
Tips & tricks to stay sane + win invites to our events!

By signing up, you indicate that you have read and agreed with our Privacy Statement
Footer Menu
  • About Us
  • Contact
  • Conditions of Access
  • PDPA
  • Privacy Policy
?>">
SPH Magazine

Copyright © 2022 SPH Media Limited. Co. Regn. No. 202120748H. All rights reserved.