One minute you’re painting the nursery, choosing babygrows and planning the baby shower… and then you’re not. Nature can be cruel, especially when it comes to starting a family. Unless you’re one of the one in four women who have experienced a miscarriage (according to HealthXchange.sg), you might be surprised to learn that miscarriage is anything but rare. The reason for this is that it still isn’t spoken about, says perinatal mental health counsellor Silvia Wetherell of Alliance Counselling.
“There is a stigma around it. As soon as women start talking to each other though, they will find out that so many women are grieving in silence,” she adds.
Women often blame themselves after pregnancy loss, even if their doctor tells them it’s not their fault, says Wetherell, who also helps run the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group Singapore. “I’ve heard all kinds of things – maybe I stood too long, maybe I had a cold drink when I was too heaty, maybe I walked too far,” she adds.
As human beings, we are hardwired to find a cause, says Wetherell. “This is the first time women have no control over their lives. They can influence the environment by eating well or not smoking, but they can’t fix this.”
Miscarriage can be triggered by many things that we have no control over, says Dr Sue Smith, a family GP at the International Medical Clinic. “It could be due to chromosomal (genetic) abnormality, imbalance in hormones, infections, and some medications.”