This term is now a commonplace phrase, but it originated decades ago in a 1938 play and later in a 1944 film adaptation titled Gaslight. Throughout, an abusive husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going mad. In one attempt he turns on the gas lights in an upstairs flat, causing the lights to dim in their own home. When his wife brings this up, he convinces her she imagined this – which is a telltale sign of gaslighting and how the term came to be.

Clinical neuropsychologist Caroline Gurvich explains that gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a person, or sometimes a group, makes someone question their perception of reality, their memories and their feelings. It’s most often associated with abusive intimate relationships, and it may look like attempts to counter your memory, frequent lying, denial and deflecting blame.

According to Gurvich, in the case of self-gaslighting a person questions their own beliefs, emotions and self-worth.

“This might manifest as someone constantly questioning their reality or their memories, suppressing or trivialising their emotions, or invalidating their thoughts and experiences,” she says.

“For example having a thought or reaction and then questioning that thought, ‘I’m being too sensitive’, ‘I shouldn’t have reacted like that’ or ‘I shouldn’t have thought that.'”

Often people mistake this kind of self-talk as being strong and emotionally resilient, however it’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings rather than dismiss them.

Self-gaslighting can come in all different shapes and sizes, and it can often be challenging to identify in yourself. In some cases it looks like minimising your own emotions, but there are other more insidious forms, too.

One of these is constantly doubting yourself. Those with this tendency are likely to undermine their desires by questioning their abilities. Constantly thinking your ideas are stupid and not worth listening to and that your decisions are wrong is a type of gaslighting.

Another telltale sign is hesitating over your own memories. If you continually lack confidence over whether your recollections are true (“I think I sent that email, but I’m pretty unreliable so I probably didn’t”) and don’t trust your ability to remember something you could be self-gaslighting.

Always finding blame in yourself can also be an indicator of a problem. When one behaves in a negative way around you, is your first instinct to immediately blame yourself for their actions? Letting this inner critic have a voice can help enable self-gaslighting.

Just as gaslighting in a relationship has a negative impact on you so too does self-gaslighting. Gurvich explains that many of the concepts associated with it can lead to a diminished self-worth and diminished self-confidence, which she says are both features of many mental health conditions such as depression.

The first step on any road to recovery is recognition and acknowledgment of a problem. Gurvich believes that becoming aware of your self-gaslighting moments is the key, then actively changing your mindset.

“The first step is recognising when you are invalidating your thoughts or invalidating the emotions that you are feeling,” she says. “The next step is acknowledging that the emotions or thoughts are valid. Do this by using self-affirming statements such as ‘My emotions are real’, ‘I have the right to express them.”‘

Text: Bauer Syndication

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