Social media can be our worst friend in this aspect. But keeping your eyes on everyone else means your view is away from your own goals—that’s how counterproductive it is.

Morin emphasises that perfection causes us to experience great levels of stress, and ironically enough, sabotages our performance. She outlines that high expectations are good, but perfection is a big no. If you tend to be a perfectionist, here are some tips to help you turn it into a strength (without burning out).

This is hard for so many us, we know. But it does us only good to admit our weaknesses and to ask for help when we need it. We don’t always have all the answers.

We are big second-guessers, right? We don’t believe that we are good/smart/talented/competent/experienced/attractive enough to get what we really want. Don’t let your own thoughts trip you up. Just go for it.

Do you find yourself overanalysing a thing half to death, staying awake at night wondering if you’ve said the right words to your boss in an email? Morin is right, it’s a terrible waste of time, and just adds more stress to life. Here are some toxic mindsets to break and take control of your thought life once again.

Do you go into flight mode when challenges arise? We’re not talking about physically leaving, but more like avoiding situations such as being given a chance for a promotion, or needing to have an honest conversation with someone close to you. Put on your big girl pants and just take the plunge.

This is not about driving at 100 kilometers an hour in a 40-kilometer zone. It’s just that we women are conditioned to be very good at keeping all the rules. But sometimes you just have to stick your neck out and break a rule or two. Think of all the women who broke through glass ceilings when they were told they couldn’t.

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Maybe you don’t mean to, but sometimes we end up putting a spotlight on someone else’s mistakes because it makes us look better. It’s not worth it, and if you look deep inside, that’s not what your authentic self really thinks is worth doing.

It could be your parents, older siblings (who think they know you so well), or maybe even your significant other. They may say something that dampens your passion for something, and you find yourself discouraged from pursuing it. Don’t allow this to happen. Be the captain of your own destiny.

Self-blame is one of the best ways to stop you from progressing. Let’s face it, bad outcomes happen to us all, it’s part of life. And yes, sometimes, things are your fault. But be able to draw the line between your character and your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.

This is still part of our ‘good girl’ conditioning, isn’t it? We are trained to sit back and let the others (many times the men) do the talking. You have something important to contribute to every conversation, to every meeting that you’re in. Not that you want to hog the spotlight, but when you do have something to say, speak up!

Here’s another truth nugget: you won’t be the same person in your 30s, 40s, or 50s that you were in your 20s. People evolve, it’s part of the beauty of life. You update your look regularly, right? The same goes with your personality, career choice, lifestyle et cetera.

There’s modesty, and there’s the fear of coming across as over ambitions or even arrogant. But you know that your successes are hard-earned. Own that. Bask in it. That’s far more truthful than denying what a success you are.

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Text: Victoria Polintan/The New Savvy