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Beauty & Health

How To Stop All That Overthinking And Negative Self-Talk

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Wellness

How To Stop All That Overthinking And Negative Self-Talk

Managing your thoughts is the first step towards managing your anxiety

August 19, 2020
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Credit: @edric/Twenty20

Not all overthinking is bad. Everyone overthinks things from time to time. In fact, some overthinking can even be positive or pleasurable, such as a heart-fluttering new romance or an upcoming holiday. However, if all that self-talk is negative and causes you to become anxious and depressed, then it is time to take a look at how to rewire your thinking in order to calm your mind and emotions.

When people ask the question, “Should I be concerned about my overthinking?”, the answer is, “Yes, if it is thinking that gets in the way of your ability to function,” says psychologist Gwendoline Smith, who is the author of The Book of Overthinking: How to Stop the Cycle of Worry – a guide to understanding what is really going on in your head with strategies to rewire your thinking and improve how you feel.

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https://www.womensweekly.com.sg/gallery/beauty-and-health/wellness/stop-overthinking-negative-self-talk-anxiety-mental-health/
How To Stop All That Overthinking And Negative Self-Talk
Your thought patterns can cause you to develop chronic anxiety
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When you put too much time into thinking or analysing something in a way that is more harmful than helpful, it is this kind of “worrisome overthinking” that creates problems.

This can produce negative emotions such as regret, fear or anxiety, cause relationship conflict, dull your interest in things you used to love, or even lead to physical problems such as fatigue, gut issues, or heart palpitations – all of which can interfere with your state of well-being and affect your ability to function and enjoy life.

In her clinical practice, Gwendoline specialises in depression and anxiety, and the further she delved into each individual’s history, the clearer it became that patterns of worrisome overthinking played a significant part.

“I would say that seven or eight out of 10 people I see are worrying. And it is the worry and anxiety that leads to your battery going flat, then the system shuts down and you move into a depressive disorder.”

“When you really dig deep into these mood conditions, depression is when a person burns out from anxiety and worry. When you dig into how long they have been feeling that way, what you are going to find is a much longer story of a lot of anxiety,” she explains.

Tero Vesalainen/123RF
What works for some may not work for others
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If you have tried and failed to tame your distracted mind with positive thinking, meditation or affirmations, then rest assured Gwendoline’s approach involves none of these strategies.

“The goal of cognitive therapy is not to teach positive thinking, which I refer to as sugar on sh*t,” Gwendoline chuckles. “Trying to put positive thoughts on top of negative ones is like me telling you to stop thinking about camels. It does not work.”

Similarly, while meditation can be a life-changing practice for some, for others, it can be a recipe for doubling the stress and anxiety.

“A lot of over-thinkers find meditation incredibly difficult because they cannot still their mind and they feel like a failure. These things do not fit everybody,” she says.

Rather than attempting to override your thoughts with happier ones, or eradicate your negative thoughts altogether, her approach is about developing more constructive and helpful thinking by identifying your “thought viruses” and challenging your beliefs.

The reality is that feelings are not facts. Just because you feel anxious, it does not mean there is a real threat, or even that your thoughts are true. Feelings are merely a reflection of the way you are thinking.

@hanngho/Twenty20
Identify the “thought viruses” that can affect your perspective of reality
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Gwendoline uses computer viruses as an analogy to understand the mind. In the same way that a nasty computer virus can interfere with the entire system, “thought viruses” can tamper with the mind and how we interpret reality. Some of these viruses include mind-reading, jumping to conclusions, predicting negative outcomes, catastrophising and disqualifying the positive.

“Probably one of the most powerful thought viruses is emotional reasoning – I feel this, therefore it must be true, or I feel this way, therefore it must be happening,” she shares.

The book gives a candid breakdown of more than 10 of these thought viruses (no fancy scientific jargon in sight) before guiding you through the cognitive behavioural therapy process as if you were visiting Gwendoline for a weekly session.

With decades of professional experience in the field, Gwendoline’s passion for mental health is much more personal. She herself has bipolar disorder, been committed multiple times, and has raised almost $14 million, as the founder of Like Minds, a mental health de-stigmatisation campaign in New Zealand.

“Whenever something happens to me, I tend to come out the other end and think, ‘What can I do now that would help other people who have gone through that experience?’”

Witnessing the anxiety pandemic firsthand, her new book is her way of lending a helping hand, especially for those who do not have the access, means or money to see a professional.

@coleito/Twenty20
Write down your thoughts to help give you clearer understanding
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One of the most simple yet powerful tools she encourages is to keep an ABC thought record – notes about activating triggers or events, your beliefs about the situation, and the consequences; any emotions, sensations and behaviour, thus allowing you to develop a clearer understanding of how they all connect.

Where things get interesting, is going through that thought record to pinpoint your own thought viruses, and questioning whether there is any concrete evidence to support your beliefs.

“If someone came into my office saying their relationships is a complete mess, I would say, ‘Let me see your thought record.’ There might be mind-reading, fortune-telling and predicting negative outcomes.”

“I would unravel it and get it to the point of asking, ‘Where’s the rational thought? Where are the thoughts based in truth and reality?’ Let’s not focus on those and talk about a solution instead.”

It is not about making the giant leap from negative thinking to positive thinking; it is about the much more achievable shift from irrational thinking to rational thinking.

If, for example, you tend to avoid parties for fear of being judged, ignored or it being a catastrophic social disaster, you would start to replace those fearful beliefs with rational thoughts. Hopefully the crowd is friendly, but worst-case scenario, you do not have to stick around for long.

Over time, this mental rewiring often lends itself to more positive thought patterns. One of the most assuring things, Gwendoline adds, is how getting a handle on the mind is no easy feat for anyone. A lifetime of habits usually cannot be undone in a day, and it is naïve to think that nothing in life will trigger those overthinking patterns ever again – it is all about being equipped with the skills to deal with it better each time it occurs.

@shotbycec/Twenty20
Helpful reminders to keep your mind on track
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Not all overthinking is problematic – it can even be pleasurable or helpful. We can spend a lot of time thinking about positive experiences, exciting projects and upcoming events we are looking forward to! Overthinking is harmful when it is based in worry, causing you to experience negative emotions, physical problems, or getting in the way of your ability to function and enjoy your life.

If you have worrisome overthinking tendencies, it helps to keep a thought record. Make notes about what happened, what you thought about it, how you felt and how you responded. Are your beliefs about the situation rational or irrational? Are you assuming you can read minds or predict the future? What do you know for you sure and what conclusions are you jumping to?

Remember that thoughts are not facts, and neither are your feelings – they are simply a mirror of how you are thinking. Just because you think or feel something does not make it true.

Just like a bad knee that needs ongoing care, attention and exercises, the mind is the same and that is perfectly normal.

Text: Erin Fisher/bauersyndication.com.au

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justingovender_/Twenty20
  • TAGS:
  • anxiety
  • mental health
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