Have you ever had to watch someone in your life struggle but you didn’t know what to say or do to help? It’s scary. You may have good intentions but worry over giving unsolicited advice or saying the wrong things. Eventually, thoughts such as ‘What if I say the wrong thing and trigger him/ her?’ may pop up in your head, altogether discouraging you from doing anything or sending any WhatsApp messages to that dear friend, colleague, or family member in distress.
Knowing the right things to say and do in a difficult or trying situation can be daunting. But if you genuinely are looking to help your loved one out, Jane Daisley-Snow from the Australian College of Applied Psychology explains how to do it:
“Individuals living with mental health concerns can feel alone and stigmatised,” Daisley-Snow says. “Your genuine care and concern about another’s wellbeing and your willingness to support them is significant in their recovery process.
The first step is your recognition that someone you care about is struggling with their mental heath, [so] become informed about common mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression and suicide risk.”
This might be as simple as asking a friend to have a coffee. “Choose a suitable time and place to raise the topic,” Daisley-Snow advises. “Let the person know you have noticed some changes and are there to listen and offer support.”
Authenticity, empathy, immediacy and openness is key.
Some appropriate responses include:
- “Would you like to talk about what you’re going through?”
- “I am really pleased you’re sharing this with me.”
- “What can I do to help?”
- “I can imagine this is really challenging for you.”
- “You’re not alone in this. I am here and there are a lot of support services available.”
- Actively listen to them and validate their feelings using “I” statements such as, “I can see the impact this has had on you.”
- Offer support slowly. You could invite them out, offer to help with shopping or meal prep, or encourage them to contact their doctor or another mental health professional.
“The third step is to refer them on to the appropriate professional mental health services,” Daisley-Snow says. Some services to recommend include:
Mental Health Support
- Singapore Association Mental Health Counselling Hotline: 1800 283 7019 (toll-free)
- Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) Helpline: 1767, email pat@sos.org.sg, or SMS here
- AWARE Women’s Care Centre Hotline: 1800 777 5555 (Monday to Friday, 10 am to 6 pm)
If someone is struggling, they may show significant changes in their mood, health or behaviour. Things to look out for include:
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Extreme mood changes
- Excessive worry, fears or feelings of guilt
- Not doing usual enjoyable activities
- Long-lasting feelings of irritability or sadness
- Reduced ability to concentrate
- Significant tiredness and changes in sleeping pattern
- Significant changes in eating habits
- Low motivation and energy levels
- Avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations
- Reliance on alcohol and/or sedatives
Text: Bauer Syndication