We often see complaining as a negative or stressful thing to do, but if you learn how to complain the right way, you can get more of what you want in your life.
Even if you are just complaining about something that you can’t really change – like the weather when you’ve planned a family picnic – complaining still serves a useful purpose in life, explains psychologist Dr Robin Kowalski. He found that people use this kind of complaining to create social bonds or let off steam. Complaining also allows us to gather information, it can also encourage empathy, and help us create real change.
Because the most powerful way to complain is when you have an end result in mind. Dr Robin Kowalski found that people who complain with the hope of seeing a certain result are happier. They feel they are moving towards a better situation. Complaining also influences how people see us – and how you see yourself. Plus it sends a signal to others about how we expect to be treated at home andat work. Do you stay quiet when someone dumps extra work on you again and again at the last minute, or do you politely complain? That sends a signal that you expect to be treated fairly.
“Complaining is a skill that can be very effective in life if you do it well. The goal is not to stop complaining – the goal is to make your complaining more effective and less stressful. Because when you complain effectively you can achieve the support and change you need.
Here’s how to complain effectively to get more of what you want in life.