Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself telling a colleague you’re not close to very personal details about your life? Or are you always talking about your problems when you’re having conversations with friends, without asking them how they’re feeling. Maybe you’re constantly ranting on social media about that one thing that gets to you and end up sharing too much. In all these situations, what might seem like innocent venting to you might actually be something toxic – trauma dumping.
Jean XM Chen, director and counsellor at Relationship Matters, tells us that venting is a release of frustration and stress to someone we feel a sense of acceptance with. And while trauma dumping is not a clinical term that is used by counselling professionals, it is generally understood as sharing negative emotions that affect the listener negatively. The difference is that trauma dumping doesn’t take care of the feelings of the listener – you’re doing it without their consent.
“After venting, there is usually a sense of gratitude expressed to the listener, a willingness to do something about the unhappiness and/or admit one’s mistake (if any),” Jean explains. “This way, the listener gets to know that they are appreciated, don’t need to overly worry about you and have helped you become a better version of yourself. The listener also feels that they can vent to you too if they would like to.
“However, in trauma dumping, the listener typically feels helpless, worried about you and/or doesn’t feel that they should vent to you,” she adds.