New babies are lovely, but that doesn’t mean you can simply drop around unannounced, especially in the early days. New parents have plenty to deal with without surprise guests turning up. Send a card, email or message congratulating them on the birth, and mention that you’d love to meet the new baby when they’re ready, and then wait to be invited.

After setting a schedule with the parents, do come on time. This is to assure that you don’t wake the baby, or disrupt their routine for feeding and rest. Most parents prefer scheduled visits, so that they can attend to and entertain their guests accordingly.

You came, you saw… and it’s time to go. As much as you would like to spend hours ogling and admiring the baby, both mother and child need time to rest and bond. A good rule of thumb would be to stay two hours, or until the next time the baby needs to feed.

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Sure, your fever has subsided and you are feeling a whole lot better than last week, but until you’re completely sure that your free from sickness, do not visit the baby. The baby has yet to develop the immunity against ordinary, everyday germs, so being in contact will put the baby at risk. Do wait and recuperate. You can always schedule a visit in the future.

Third hand smoke (the stuff that lingers on your clothes, hair and breath) is bad for health, experts warn. When visiting a newborn, make sure you are wearing fresh, clean clothes. If you smoke in your home, even your clean clothes may smell of cigarettes so ask if you can borrow a jumper before holding the baby. Do not smoke before or during the visit, even outside.

No one likes being told what to do, especially mothers who are excited to discover these things on their own. Even if you’ve had seven children and consider yourself an expert, refrain from giving unsolicited advice.  You may offer advice, but only if they do ask.

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Looking after a newborn baby is a full-time job (with exhausting overtime hours), and many new parents struggle to find the time to cook, eat and wash up, at a time when a healthy, nutritious meal is so very important. Take some food with you when you visit the new parents, even if they tell you they don’t want anything. You could make a casserole, a hearty chicken and vegetable soup, a healthy slice or some fresh fruit – anything that will help to get some food inside those bleary-eyed new parents.

Especially in Asian culture, we’ve been taught and trained to be the most generous and most hospitable hosts; but when it comes to visiting newborns, do expect that the parents may not be as “energetic” and able when entertaining all of you.

Don’t wait to be offered a drink or be waited on. Head straight to the kitchen and offer to make one for everyone. Offer them drinks, see if they want you to grab any food from the kitchen, and generally make yourself useful. In addition, do clean up after yourself when you leave. They will love you for it.

As much as you want to pinch those cherubic cheeks, don’t assume that you can touch the baby. Always ask the permission of parents first, or wait for them to ask you if you would like to carry the child.

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Being a new mother is a bit like taking a break from reality. Nothing bursts that blissful bubble quite like the whirlwind of someone else’s children. No matter how lovely, well-behaved and gentle your children are, it is best not to assume they are invited. While some new parents will want them to visit, others may prefer just to have adult guests for the first couple of weeks. Offer to leave your kids at home for your first visit, and see what the new parents say.