Sex is one of the few surprising things in life that can truly confound even the best and brightest among us. But don’t sweat it if your sex life doesn’t feel 100 per cent effortless, that’s completely normal. Our advice? Keep cool, calm and collected the next time things are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom. And here’s something that’ll help — surprise him with some of these things that your man secretly wants during sex:
If you want to tease your man, wear something sexy to bed. He’ll love seeing you in, say, a satin camisole or just a pair of lace panties. “You don’t have to be totally naked to get him all hot and bothered,” says Dariusz P. Skowronski, clinical sexologist and psychologist, and founder of Bright Life Counselling.
Leaving the light on is also a good idea, so that your man can admire your body while making love. If you’re self-conscious, dim the light a little or use a table lamp. For a really sexy ambience, light a candle instead.
Sure, guys love vaginal sex, but oral sex is in a special category all by itself. “Not only do they find the act extremely intimate, pleasurable and relaxing, it’s also thrilling when they can see that their partner is enjoying it too. It makes them feel good on the inside, it makes them feel loved, cherished and accepted,” says Dariusz.
The next time you go down on your man, don’t just focus on his penis, though. He’ll love it if you also pay attention to his testicles, and that area of skin between his testicles and anus, which is a known pleasure zone (also known as the male G-spot).
Don’t stay silent during lovemaking – be sure to tell your man what you like (or don’t like) and show him how you want to be touched. “Most men strive to make their partner happy in bed, but they do need guidance,” says Dariusz.
Lying about your pleasure is a definite no-no, says Dariusz. “Research has shown that men would rather you didn’t have an orgasm at all than fake it. It’s okay to not orgasm every single time you make love; what’s more important is being honest with your man, and that means not being afraid to say you didn’t climax if he asks.”
Men tend to get bored easily, so to keep things exciting, remember to switch up sex positions and locations every now and then, Dariusz advises. For instance, if you always have sex in the bedroom, you may want to move the action to some other part of the house, like the living room or shower, for a change.
Moaning is music to your man’s ears; so don’t hold back when it comes to voicing your pleasure this way. “It doesn’t have to be loud and you don’t have to scream or shout,” says Dariusz. “Soft moans are sexy and encouraging.”
If you love how his body feels, tell him. If you can’t get enough of his penis, make sure he knows, says Dariusz. “Focus on the good stuff, not the bad. It’s not the time or place to be critical of his body or make fun of his sexual moves.”
This isn’t the same as bossing him around. It means taking the initiative and not being afraid to go after what you want. Says Dariusz: “Don’t wait for him to initiate sex or suggest a new position, for instance. Just go ahead and call the shots. It will take some of the pressure off him, plus, it’s empowering for you and helps you become more sexually confident.”
Text: Sasha Gonzales
Additional Reporting: Natalya Molok