“It is absolutely essential to communicate and that means not making assumptions and assuming that you know what the other person thinks and feels, but actually talking about it,” says Lyn Fletcher, director of operations at Relationships Australia.

“And being reasonably honest, now I’m not talking about being brutally honest, I am talking about being reasonably honest and the honesty really isn’t about the other person it is about you.

Lyn says communicating is the first and most vital step to a healthy relationship. She suggests setting aside specified time to just talk without interruption from other people, including children, or distractions like TV, phones or the computer.

“For example if you are angry with your partner and you are sitting there with gritted teeth saying ‘no I’m not angry’ but you have clenched your jaw and you’re red in the face, I’m sorry but your actions and your body language speak a lot louder than your words. You’re much better to be reasonably honest about how you feel.”

It really is the little things that count. It can be as simple as remembering an important date, but it is important to be mindful of the little things.

Lyn says that for some this can be a challenge if they have not been treated fairly in past relationships.

“It takes a while if we have been hurt in the past as it’s hard to put something like that aside and genuinely take this person with a good heart and good intentions,” she said.

“If we cull that problem acknowledging that there is that good intention and good intent and good will it can make a whole lot of difference to how you hear things and how you do things.”

Don’t expect your relationship to look a certain way. Lyn says that some of us set expectations too high and base them on fictional expectations from movies and the media that don’t relate to reality.

“The reality is that good partnerships need a lot of work, there is constant negotiation and there is constant compromise,” Lyn says.

Her advice is to let go of expectations that love must look a certain way and instead, acknowledge and appreciate the good things your partner does, however they may present themselves.

You are bound to have disagreements throughout your relationship, it is all a matter of how best to deal with it. Lyn suggests having a plan in place between you and your partner where you work through conflict together.

“This means being willing to be wrong and to give in as well as having an agreement in place about how to ‘do conflict’,” Lyn says.

Accepting that it is not your responsibility to change your partner will help ease the strain on both within the partnership.

Lyn says that any attempts to change your partner will fuel resentment on both sides and will generally fail. Resign yourself to your differences and give your partner space.

“Make allowances for the other person in the relationship,” Lyn says.

“They are a human being in the same way as you are and, hopefully, we are able to forgive them for their mistakes the same way that we would want to be forgiven.”

Lasting partnerships are built from these three actions. They not only strengthen the relationship but each individual as a person as well.

If you are still feeling unhappy in your relationship and feel that you have tried everything you can, Lyn suggests couples counselling as a good next step to take.

Text: Bauer