“If you’ve been badly hurt, you need to know that it is a risk in any relationship,” says relationship psychologist Toby Green. “But what you have to look at is whether you survived the hurt. If you don’t think that you have, then you shouldn’t get into another serious relationship.” If you do decide to remarry, however, Toby recommends turning perceived failures into lessons. “Wisdom is learning what doesn’t work for you and knowing not to repeat it,” she explains.

Patricia Bubash, a professional counsellor and author of Successful Second Marriages, says couples can benefit from pre-remarriage counselling. “Also, sitting down before the ‘I dos’ and talking about common aims for the marriage helps,” she says. Patricia strongly recommends taking time to get to know yourself first. “Decide what it is that you desire from your marriage, whether it’s companionship, security or a family,” she says. “Be honest with your spouse and be willing to let go of old baggage, including animosities.”

According to Toby, trust is a vital part of any relationship. Daniel too, emphasises that trust is not a score card. “Understand what defines trust for you and discuss this with your partner so both of you can complement each other and support one another. Trust in a marriage is supporting each other to achieve each other’s hopes and dreams,” he adds.

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Second marriages are sure to have some extra baggage – children, former spouses, alimony and child support are some of the most typical, and these can put a huge stress on a new marriage. Time, patience and money are often strained to the breaking point in second marriages due to the increased demands of two families. “It’s important for spouses to be honest about the challenges their second marriage faces and to be on the same page about how they will handle conflicts that arise,” says Daniel.

If either or both of you are bringing children from a previous marriage into this new relationship, it presents challenging issues that have been written about extensively. It is often difficult for children to accept anyone new immediately. “In such cases, one must give space, time, love and understanding to the child to help them accept the situation easily. Do not force the child to accept you or your child to accept your new spouse as their parent as this might have adverse implications,” says Daniel. Time heals every wound – give them some time to understand this major change in their lives.

Daniel says it’s important keep the same routine and structure where the kids are concerned. “When you have settled down, gradually the child to accept the new changes in his or her life. Monitor the progress closely so that you are not taken over by surprise.”

Build your second marriage in a new house or neighborhood; if you need to, move away from a small town or community. Don’t let the old ghosts of your divorce haunt your remarriage. Even if you’re comfortable living in the remnants of your first marriage, your partner might not be.

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Be sure to be forthcoming about finances, your past, and concerns with your former spouse and children that are relevant. Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don’t bury negative feelings.

Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down by fears, failures, and thoughts of another divorce. Your second marriage is more likely to be successful if you focus on the positive aspects of your partner and life together. Learn about the secrets of happy, healthy marriages together.

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“A happily-ever-after will not be immediate, so do lower expectations. Learn about each other and accept the new dynamics in the family. Allow for individuality while still keeping the old family identity. Then create a new one,” says Daniel.

Daniel emphasizes that you are not in the marriage to replace, compensate or to do better. “Stress can cause breakdown. Be yourself and let your partner see it and build on it rather than be what you think you should be. Your partner chose you for who you are so do not change. Grow together and complement each other,” says Daniel.

Daniel suggests that couples learn to focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down by fears, failures, and thoughts of another divorce. Your second marriage is more likely to be successful if you focus on the positive aspects of your partner and life together.

Real life is a lot more complicated than fairy tales, but with love and commitment you can create a happy ending for your second-time-around love story.

Text: Good Health/ Bauer / Additional reporting: Shenielle Aloysis