There are certainly times in a young man’s life that he needs to begin taking responsibility for his decisions and actions. However, telling a boy to ‘man up’ has often been used when a boy or male teen showed emotion.

The implication was that ‘boys don’t cry’ or men don’t show emotion, so they should ‘suck it up’, suppress the emotion and get on with whatever they were doing.

This is dangerous and destructive when used in this manner, as it assumes that boys or men shouldn’t be emotional, and when this happens, it seems the only ‘acceptable’ form of emotion is often anger or aggression.

We can certainly tell our children they are special TO US, but implying that your child is most special or more special than others may set them up to fail.

They could either become exceptionally unkind adults who don’t recognise others’ gifts, or they may be crushed when they discover there are other people in the world better than them in many areas in life.

It’s not that we shouldn’t acknowledge our children or be proud when they succeed, but I generally prefer to praise the process or praise the genuine effort children have put in to study, sport, flute practice and being kind or helpful.

If we think about it, we’ve never heard a coach say, ‘Wow, you threw like a girl!’ and he meant ‘Wow – what a fantastic throw – great job!’.

‘You throw like a girl’ is a term that is used as an insult. It’s often said between boys and implies that the way he performs an action is done poorly.

Not only that, it implies weakness and sends the indirect message that girls aren’t very good (usually at sport).

This saying makes ‘hurting’ an acceptable form of gaining attention. It’s important to teach boys that girls are not mysterious or weird, and vice versa.

Teach that hitting or pinching a girl is never a way of telling her he likes her. Teach him how to properly communicate affection with kind words and gestures.

While this is often said with good intentions, the worry is that it can set children up for failure.

No-one can be ANYTHING they want to be, especially by just wanting it. Most things take a great deal of effort, hard work and skill.

Many, many young children would like to be an Australian sports star, but very few will get there. That’s not cruel – it’s just life.

Children need to see value in helping others, being kind, doing something they enjoy – things that don’t always get public accolades.

It’s OK to gently explain to children that they need to be careful that if they keep saying they are hurt when they are not, that it could cause adults not to come to their aid in an emergency, or when it is really necessary.

Not only that, but a parents need to dig deeper to try to find out what is behind this need to embellish stories. If your child keeps going to Sick Bay, or saying they’re hurt, there is often an underlying reason for this.

Unfortunately, this term is also often used to excuse little boys when they physically or emotionally hurt each other or hurt girls, and this is never OK.

Many boys are more fidgety and physically active than girls at younger ages. Some of this is partly due to the different stages in which boys and girls develop, but I must add that the brain is not so different in boys and girls at we once thought.

We do know, however, that there are different rates at which their brains and bodies develop.

So, when we see a backlash against the term ‘boys will be boys’ it’s not denying some of the developmental differences, it’s a reaction to the way the term has been used to excuse poor behaviour.

(Text: Katie Skelly, bauersyndication.com.au / Additional reporting: Natalya Molok)