Answer Yes or No to these questions;

Are you often lonely and bored when no-one is around?

Do you find yourself wondering how your friends are doing?

Do you have an ideal activity you always like to do with your friend?

Do you feel stuck in a rut and hope someone can bring excitement into your life?

Do you like to share your life experiences with other people?

Have you helped your friends when they needed it?

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself and feel few people understand you?

Are you ready to make space and time for people in your life?

If you answered Yes to more than four of these questions you may be thinking about friends in terms of what you can get out of them, rather than a relationship that can benefit both of you. This may be one reason your female friendships fade away.

*Mariam has a small group of female friends she has known for more than 10 years. She says, “We met when we had children at the same pre-school. Some of these women have supported me through thick and thin. But lately it has not been so easy. I think they have changed. Sometimes I am quite surprised by their opinions. I wonder if it would be better not to see them anymore. But part of me would really miss them. ”

We connect with a person because we share our experiences together. When these connections are strong, other aspects of them, like their individual personality quirks, become less important. But if your life connections are weak, those quirks are all you see. That’s when a relationship can be hard to maintain.

But shared history is worth more than gold, so take a moment to focus on the parts of the friendship that do still work. Think back for a minute over your life and what part they played in it. Think about how they shared the highlights and low points with you, and how they supported and encouraged you through those times.

You meet some friends at a specific time in your life –  like when you start a new job, or you both have young babies at the same time. Such friends offered you a shoulder to cry on, practical help or an objective viewpoint. We often forget these benefits later, but remembering them can help  you feel close again.

Friendships are not always easy. And it is very hard to tell someone what you need from them. So often we just stay silent and hope they will work it out on their own. But that rarely works – and then you get so frustrated that the friendship ends anyway!

Successful friendship is based on honesty – but it is honesty mixed with tact. Difficult conversations need to be thought through carefully. If you are annoyed that she is always very late to your meetings do not wait until you are so frustrated you lash out and say something you will regret later.  Find a time when you can both focus on the situation. Explain that you want everything to be smooth between you, and explain what needs to change.

Pay attention to how your friend responds – what’s her side of the story? Your goal is to work together to ensure the problem does not happen again. At times this may mean you have to agree to disagree, but as long as you are both respectful of each other, it will work out okay.

1. Next time you meet, ask them about what is going on in their life. Listen to their stories and thoughts. Most of us are more interested in ourselves and our family and other people. But if you want someone to like you, you need to be genuinely interested in them.
2. Remember that what you give is what you get back. It’s very easy to have shallow conversations and just share what is great about your life, like the fact that your child is doing well at school, and so on. But a good friend shares what is going on in their life – both good and bad. You don’t need to share every dark secret in your marriage life, but you need to share enough so you feel your friend understands your deep motivations, sorrows and joys. Sharing what is going on in your life is what makes you feel genuinely connected.
3. Be open to meeting new people. Many of us develop close friendships with people who we did not connect with on the first meeting. Give a new friendship time to grow.
4. Act with integrity. Keep their secrets to yourself, however tempting it might be to gossip to other people.
5. Make them feel special. Take time to send them a funny meme on social media. Text or call them to ask how they are. Get together on their birthday and send a birthday message or card. If you can’t meet for their important dates like their birthday, send them flowers or get their favourite food delivered. Show them you care about their happiness and the significant moments in their life.

Text: Bauer Syndication /ARE Media

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