We all know the meaning of ‘me-time’, but after bringing a baby into the world, it can be hard to even understand how you can ever get it back. The first thing you have to remember is that while you may be a mother, you are also your own person with friends, family, and your own ambitions and dreams.

Our definition of ‘me-time’ is simple: unplug from your parenting mode and indulge in things you love.

It’s normal for moms, especially new ones, to feel guilty at the thought of not being with their little ones 24/7. However, let’s think about it this way: you can’t fill their cups with water if you are all out of it yourself.

If your energy is spent and you can really need a break, take one before parental burnout hits you. You can only keep giving love and affection to them if you are all out of steam.

Taking this time to recuperate will also be beneficial for you and your kids in the long run. You will have more energy to entertain them and you won’t be so worn down that you may snap at them if they cry.

It is normal to feel worried for your children, especially if they are young and have just been born. Your brain enters the ‘Mommy Brain’ state (which is not an insult, never let anyone else tell you otherwise!). Due to this, you might develop thought patterns you find hard to control, resulting in compulsive behaviours, one being the constant worrying about your children’s safety.

Feeling anxious is part and parcel of post-pregnancy symptoms, but they can be taken to the next level due to postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. If you suspect you are suffering from them, consult your healthcare providers for assistance.

When you’ve spent so long with your kids, you might only realise how much you want to protect them when you take a backseat. It’s normal to worry for their safety, but leaving them with someone both you and your children trust – such as your partner – should ease any worries you and the little ones may have.

In fact, letting other people look after them will help them build their social skills as they interact with others apart from you. They will also be able to develop stronger bonds with the other caretakers in their life so that should an emergency arise, you know you can leave your little ones with them and that they will be in safe hands.

You can now take steps to reclaim back your own time and sense of self. The first thing you will want to do is to stop putting yourself last. As a mother and a spouse, you no doubt feel obligated to always be there for your kids and partner. However, this leads to you having little energy to look after yourself which can lead you to feel emotionally exhausted.

While the most ideal scenario would be for you to have the kids and your partner somewhere else while you finally have some peace and quiet at home, we all know that these things hardly go as planned. With a family, you are almost never alone at home, and you can’t always be dropping your children with their grandparents or forcing your partner to bring them out every weekend.

So we must learn how to find ‘me-time’ that can be spent with people around us. Keep reading for some ways to do so.

The best way to make sure that your kids won’t come to bother you is to find activities they can do at home that can keep them engaged. You can download drawing templates online for them to colour in, get them books to read if they have started doing so, and more.

You can even have this be the time where you let them watch fun educational shows – just as long as you don’t give them too much screentime. The general guideline is for children aged two to five to have no more than an hour of screen time a day.

This may seem contradictory to wanting to have ‘me-time’ but stick with us. In this shared family area, have a small area for the kids to play, a seat for your partner, and one for you. The seats are your designated seats that will allow you to maintain some healthy distance from your kids while they are in eye-shot.

This way, your kids will be able to play while you lounge on your seat watching a movie or reading a book. At the end of the day, that space will be yours to relax and chill in.

Need a 30-minutes break? Maybe an hour-long one? Tell your partner how tired you are and that you are going to the room to unwind a bit. Make him promise to entertain the kids while you get much-needed rest. And he must stay firm when the kids call for you, if not this will serve no purpose at all.

And make sure to thank your partner and allow him the same concessions in the future when he’s the one who needs a break!

The shower is the one place where you can truly be alone in the house, so why not stay in there a little longer? Pamper yourself to body scrubs, hair masks, the therapeutic feeling of warm water hitting your skin and cleansing you of all the dirt and grime you’ve accumulated throughout the day. Just enjoy a nice spa-esque time relaxing your muscles when your kids are asleep.

A version of this story first appeared in Young Parents.

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