On Jamus: Pullover, Jamus’ own. Cotton pants, Brunello Cucinelli.

How does fatherhood make you better at your jobs? 

Like many parents, having a child makes one think much more about the future. It also helps one build empathy for those who are unable to take care of themselves. And it helps shift one’s priorities away from oneself, and towards others. I believe all of these are important traits to carry close to our hearts when we formulate public policy, which is a major part of my role as a representative in Parliament.

If you could, what policy would you effect to support parents here?

I think many parents struggle with finding a better work-life balance, because of the many demands of their jobs, which often takes them away from family. I would champion a government-led (and possibly even mandated) policy where workers who choose to do would find it much easier to go on alternative work arrangements, such as a 4- or 5-day week, or half-days of WFH, or flexible off-days.

Your daughter turns 4 this year. What about fatherhood do you find most surprising or underrated?

I think we do not fully grasp the importance of thinking and caring for someone who is so entirely dependent on us until we become parents. We do that, in part, for our parents and our spouse, but since the child is so much more helpless, it brings the dependency to a whole new level.

Were there any hard truths I had to discover along the way? Maybe the hardest for me was realising that we cannot impute our own aspirations onto our children: they need to find their own place in the world. Thankfully, for me that happened when our daughter was around a year old.

Are you the father you’d envisioned to be?

[Laughs] I am usually much more lenient with my child than my mother was with me. I think the reason – beyond generational differences in thinking and worldview – stems from how I believe that my overriding role as a parent is to allow my child to find her place in this world, and be happy while doing so. Any enduring legacy she has – in whatever endeavour she may choose for herself – is a bonus.

My mother, in contrast, believed that the most important thing was to raise a child who’d be more successful than she was, and who’d have a better lot in life. There isn’t a right or wrong between these two; just different aspirations, I suppose.

Your wife Eneida is Chilean. How do you find a balance between South American and Asian parenting styles?

As it turns out, the family values of Latinos are rather similar to those of Asians. The major divergences have less to do with cultural differences than differences of opinion about how to proceed. But like all parents, we talk it out, come to a compromise that we are both comfortable with, and go with that. We try to be informed by research, and that can help adjudicate remaining differences. We are generally aligned, like discipline – we don’t use force.

Your most trying moments as parents?

Those little arguments over small things, like rushing to get our daughter out the door for an appointment, or choosing what she should wear, or what time we should be trying to get her to go to bed. We usually resolve these quickly, but like most parents, we acknowledge that we’ve never had as many arguments as after our daughter was born.

I suppose it is inevitable, because usually adults don’t have to make so many joint decisions. As a couple, it’s often limited to what/where to eat, or what movie to watch, or where to go for vacation. With a kid, the micro-decisions begin from the moment he or she wakes up.

How do you deal with “dad guilt”?

My major “dad guilt” comes from not being able to spend as much time as I’d like with my family, especially in the evenings and on weekends, because MPs have many commitments during those times. As such, we’ve had to schedule family time, rather than allow it to occur spontaneously. I do miss being able to read the bedtime story to our daughter on a more regular basis; so when the opportunity presents itself, I’d do so even if I am tired.

Gen Alpha is growing up in a world filled with many challenges, including climate change, increased digitisation, and mental health issues. What can parents do to prepare them?

Empower them with the tools to seize control of their own future. Also, to make them realise that we are but stewards of what we have ourselves inherited, and that we should treat this as a precious gift.

What key lessons do you want to impart to your child?

1) Always be happy, and live life to the fullest. Humans flourish when we find fulfilment in life. When we look back on our lives, will we ever wished we’d earned that extra bonus or spent another weekend on a work report?

2) Pursue what we love in life, but be sure you fulfill your fullest, God-given potential.

3) We will always love you and support you no matter what you choose to do in life.

What have you learnt from her then?

One does not need sophisticated things to be very, very happy. Just the love of those you care most about. It doesn’t take much to make our girl laugh! She is an amazingly happy child, sparkling, and a joy to us. But of course, I do the usual things that dads do – let her climb on me, swing her around, make silly faces, etc.

Your reply if your child asks, “Did you really pick me up from a dustbin?”.

“Even if I did, it would not matter one bit, because I would probably love you even more.”

Aww. Your sister Jerraine Lim, who is 7 years younger, once described you as a “naggy fatherly figure”. What do you nag your daughter about?

Haha. I had to be a little more naggy with Jerraine because she was already a teenager by the time I had to assume some fatherly responsibilities with her following the unexpected passing of my dad. But yes, even with my child, I tend to nag more than force. OK, on occasion, we do force her shoes on if she takes more than a few minutes to decide!

Photography: Jasper Yu
Fashion styling: Angela Chu
Hair & makeup: Sha Shamsi
Location: InterContinental Singapore

In this video, watch how Jamus answers questions from Gen Alpha. He gamely explains why he “cannot marry your mother”, whether monsters are real, and even attempts to show off some Mandarin.

Tap play to find out what went on.

On Jamus: Cotton T-shirt, Brunello Cucinelli. Cotton denim jacket and cotton pants, Boss.

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