Celeste Phua (CP): Our parenting style is very much based on the belief in leading by example. So we manage between being authoritative parents and parents that observe mutual respect.

If we cannot do it ourselves, we won’t impose it on them. And in cases where we as parents are lacking, we acknowledge our weakness in front of the kids and tell them “let us try working on it together”. Family unity and trust between all are very important.

CP: My Mum and Dad played very different roles. Dad was the breadwinner of the family, who often travelled, and Mum as a stay-at-home-mother had to shoulder many responsibilities. Mum was this strong figure in the family who solved all problems that arose. She filled in the roles of my father when he was absent as best as she could.

That’s also how I learnt that as a woman, we are the backbone of the family, and that we cannot rely heavily on our spouse or anyone else.

CP: I can see that behind the façade of a strong mother, my mom is a woman who also feels tired or emotionally drained. Yet, she doesn’t like showing it and always puts up a strong front. Sometimes all that holding back leads to emotional meltdowns, something that hurts me to watch.

That is why I have also learnt that I do not need to be too independent! There will be times I tell my husband or my kids, “I cannot (do this), please help me.” I realised that by admitting that my weak moments, it allows others to step up, making us stronger as a family.

CP: I used to react with angry threats which usually led to a bigger tantrum. That was when I stopped to think: Kids throw tantrums because they’ve lost control. They cannot get what they want, they stomp their feet and express distress, coercing parents to give in.

What I do now instead: I don’t react. I take over control by staying calm. I give them the space to express how they feel, without reacting. It will come to a point where they stop, but not before they push me very close to the limits (hang in there)!

Eventually, when the kids are calm enough, I encourage them to talk (not shout). I let the kids know I hear them and now they have to hear me out too. It is not easy. Sometimes it is easier, but at times, seems impossible. Say a little prayer, and trust that all Mothers are with you too!

CP: There is always a time to be strong and firm and another to be the cuddly mama bear. Our kids are growing and they need to know that they can trust us to be there for them, to love them regardless of anything.

CP: My children’s hugs and kisses!

CP: All the time. Like when I cannot give them my full attention because an email just came in. Or when my kids choose Roblox over joining me for a walk, and one of them wore the wrong attire to school.

I tell my kids exactly how I feel. I show them my work too. And I share my worries with them. Sometimes we come up with pockets of “us time”. Of course, they also take advantage of my guilt. That’s when I stand firm to say: “Don’t push it!”

CP: Honestly, I struggle every single day. But what helps is not putting all the responsibilities on my shoulder. Naturally, my kids run to me when they have problems. But if I am too busy, I remind them that they have their Dad too!

Between me and my husband, we make sure to step into each other’s roles too, when needed. Among the family, we encourage everyone, including the kids, to take on new roles to help each other. No one person can shoulder everything, but united as a family, we can achieve a lot more.

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