For us, we found that it was the natural next step after getting married. I had always thought kids were cute and that it would be a fulfilling journey to watch them grow.

We didn’t actually plan for it. My husband, who’s a doctor, has a one-year posting here for sub-speciality training. He applied for the fellowship in 2021 – we had one child then. Due to Covid, the application for his fellowship was delayed. Eventually, he got his Canadian work permit in April 2022, and I was pregnant by then.

My husband was really worried about juggling so many things in a faraway place and even considered going away alone. Still, we decided to continue with the move and have our second child overseas.

Either way, we would’ve gone together. We are a family unit. My husband also told me that if I weren’t here, he would be so miserable.

I couldn’t get a gynae to see me for over two months.

My last gynae appointment in Singapore was in week 16. When I came to Toronto, we managed to get a friend’s family doctor to accept me as a patient and she sent over requests to seven gynaes to take me – but all of them rejected me as I had no state insurance coverage. I only managed to get one in early September through my husband’s connections at work.

The checkups are quite different from those in Singapore – they don’t do ultrasounds during the visits. Instead, there is only a doppler to listen for the baby’s heartbeat.

I was told that doing an ultrasound every visit wouldn’t benefit a normal pregnancy. Instead, a measuring tape was used to measure my belly each visit: the general guideline was that if I was 28 weeks into the pregnancy, the belly would usually be around 28cm.

As I had Covid during my pregnancy, the gynae ordered a monthly ultrasound to make sure that the baby was alright. We had to call the clinic ourselves whereas in Singapore, if you have a gynae, they’ll arrange everything for you.

Another incident was when my baby was due. We went to the hospital when I started having contractions. The pain intensified quite quickly and I asked for an epidural. But it was a weekend and only one anaesthetist was available for the whole hospital, so I was told I may not get it if someone else needed it more, as childbirth is not considered life-threatening.

There was nothing I could do. I just felt so helpless.

Thankfully, I got the epidural, and when I did, it was administered really well. I could move my legs without feeling pain, and I could even increase the dosage of the epidural for myself.

We are very pampered in Singapore. In general, administrative matters here are really slow.

You can’t just show up at a clinic and expect someone to see you. While healthcare may be free (due to taxes), it’s not that easy to access. There are many people who are still on the waiting list for a family doctor, and the waiting time to see a specialist is very long.

It’s not easy to get appointments as well. In Singapore, you can just go to a polyclinic. Here, you need to have a family doctor – only then will they refer you to a specialist to get anything that you need. If you can get through a hotline to make an appointment, you’re lucky.

The healthcare system was extremely hard to navigate as a foreigner. When we first arrived, our toddler caught a nasty virus from her school, had a high fever, and refused to eat or drink for a couple of days. She wasn’t even pooping or peeing. We were frantic and tried to find a paediatrician (PD) but all were fully booked and not accepting new patients! They only took in newborns; two years old is considered “old”.

So walk-in clinics were our best bet. But the next available appointment was the next day. The other choice would be the hospital emergency department with at least 12 hours of waiting time. In the end, we decided to self-medicate and sought advice from PD friends back home.

The best thing about the hospital where I gave birth was that it provided breastfeeding consultation services 24/7 and weekly follow-up sessions to support me in my breastfeeding journey. These were all covered by the state insurance plan and I was offered suggestions to improve my latching, among other things. In Singapore, each visit to the lactation consultant can cost quite a bit – we spent so much on various breastfeeding treatments and massages the first time.

Being a second-time mum, I also knew that the initial months following childbirth would be difficult, so I arranged for a Malaysian confinement nanny to come over to help us. However, the permit never got approved.

There weren’t any affordable options available here either. In Toronto, confinement nannies charge per hour and only work during the day for eight hours. One month can cost SGD $7,000 to $8,000. It’s so expensive!

The confinement nannies here cook and maybe take care of the child. They don’t do housework at all. If you order confinement food, it would cost about SGD $4,000. It’s crazy.

As a backup, I convinced my mother to come and help me. She was the extra pair of hands we really needed – my husband is hardly home. We would have had to bring our toddler along to the delivery suite if my mother didn’t come in time!

Try not to have children overseas, especially in a country where you can’t engage reliable help at affordable rates. If absolutely necessary, make sure you can get enough support from your spouse, or hire help and cater food for at least a month.

I wanted to stop breastfeeding and get back in shape.

Everyone tells me that breast milk is the best; it has all the necessary antibodies and I should do it for at least six months or risk my baby falling sick. Mum influencers also seem to have lots of milk and a whole stash of frozen breast milk – but when it’s my turn, it’s so difficult. It’s just so hard and time-consuming.

I am still going to work towards my goal of breastfeeding for at least six months, though. I keep telling myself that I will put more effort into giving her healthy solid foods and spend time on quality experiences with my children that they will actually remember.

It’s become stronger – there is nobody else I would rather do a thing as crazy as raising kids with than my other half. We make time to go on date nights once a week, hold hands to sleep when we can, as well as hug and cuddle in the mornings.

When it comes to motherhood/parenting, what kind of support would you like more of?

Mothers are expected to have it all – spend time with kids, keep the household functional, provide breast milk, and have a successful career. So it would be great if paid maternity leave can be six months.

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