I found a lump in my left breast while showering. It was detected at stage one when my daughter was 17 months old.

How did you feel when you found out about it?

I had very limited knowledge about cancer at that time so I didn’t relate the breast lump to breast cancer at all. I, therefore, delayed checking it up until I accompanied my mother-in-law to the clinic for her cough. I casually told the GP that I felt a lump in my breast.

She acknowledged that I was too young to have breast cancer but ordered an ultrasound to check it up. It turned out to be very suspicious and I was referred to a hospital for further check-ups where I was eventually diagnosed via a biopsy.

The doctor handed me my biopsy report and said: “So, it is cancer.” Then she continued with suggestions of treatment but my brain went blank.

My husband was with me and I cried so badly in the hospital, in front of all the other patients and staff. At the time, I was more shocked than sad.

I went through chemotherapy and several major operations. Needless to say, it was not an easy journey physically, the same as for the other cancer patients. However, I found it most difficult to deal with mentally.

The timing of my diagnosis was when I had just moved back to private practice from an in-house counsel position, and when I had just stopped breastfeeding my baby girl and was going to start preschool.

It was a time when I felt ready to move one step up in all aspects of my life. But life played a joke on me and pushed me to my lowest point.

The question of why I got cancer bothered me so much that I lost a lot of sleep. Even during the times I managed to sleep, I would have nightmares throughout.

My mum and parents-in-law came to help so I could focus on my treatment and recovery. In fact, my treatment as well as certain check-ups/scans required me to be away from young kids like my daughter. Some scans contained radiation which could be around me for a few hours. So I was advised to stay away from young kids and pregnant women during that period.

Because of that, I couldn’t continue taking care of her no matter how much I wanted to. But it was for her benefit. I tried to avoid being around my daughter after those scans, and after chemotherapy sessions because she could be exposed to the cancer medication through me.

My daughter actually saw my husband shaving my hair. She was shocked and cried. But it didn’t bother her for more than five minutes. She joyfully played with my bare head thereafter. She was one and a half years old at that time, and didn’t even care if I was wearing a wig or not. For her, her mummy was just having a different hairstyle.

Even at six now, she’s still too young to understand cancer. Occasionally, she would see the scars on my body or find photos on my phone from that period and ask what happened to me at that time. I told her that I was very sick then because some of my body cells went bad and were growing uncontrollably, but that I had received treatment and I am good now. This also explains to her why mummy is not able to breastfeed her little brother now. She seems to understand all these, but maybe not how awful cancer is. I wish she never would.

She’s still young and doesn’t have to go through the same mental difficulties as me. The whole journey has been very emotional, especially at the start. For her to accept me however I look like… I feel very grateful.

I am lucky in the sense that I had my family (especially my husband) and friends accompanying me during those times. Among all these, I received free counselling from Singapore Cancer Centre (SCC) which helped tremendously with my mental health. Of course, it was hard to accept that I had cancer. Going from denial to acceptance is very difficult. Special thanks to my counsellor at SCC, Ms Joan Khng.

I needed a lot of time to get through it. The treatments and follow-ups, assurance from the doctor that the recurrence rate is lower, and meeting other cancer patients who are doing very well gave me a lot of confidence.

Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF) also set up a young women’s support group that was especially helpful. All the ladies in the group are of similar ages and we catch up in the BCF office to talk about everything, from treatment to our own lives. That group helped me find a lot of good friends.

Being conscious of my lifestyle, including eating, sleeping, exercise and mood. These are the basics of building good health. Everything doesn’t have to be 100 per cent perfect; 80 per cent is good enough. Some cheat days can be beneficial too. Not to forget regular health check-ups as well.

What did you learn from this experience?

I learnt that misfortune can happen to anyone, not necessarily due to anyone’s fault. Therefore no one deserves to suffer through it alone.

We need to lend a helping hand to minorities such as cancer patients in our society. I also learnt to prioritise better and understand what is most important to me and my family.

I love kids.

In primary school, I had a friend who came from a family with three kids. I’m from China so for our generation, families only had one kid. At that time when I saw my friend, I felt like I should have three kids too!

What would you say is the hardest part about being a mum?

Being a role model for the kids. I try to be one by leading a healthy lifestyle, being polite to people, working hard, and constantly learning. Basically, whatever kind of person I would like them to be, I should try my best to be that first.

A relaxed mum. It’s hard for me to be one because I worry too much about small things such as what they eat every day, if they are getting enough sleep, whether they’ve had a full breakfast, if they’ve had unhealthy snacks, what they need to learn, what if they get hurt etc. All these things make me worry.

What do you love about being a mum?

I love seeing a little one who looks like me and my husband, and going through every stage of their life. It’s like living life again.

Read Next

#MumStory: She Wanted To Talk About Her Miscarriage, But Everyone Avoided It

#MumStory: MMA Champion Angela Lee Is "Living The Dream" With Daughter Ava

#MumStory: She Lost Her First Child After Carrying Him To 39 Weeks