#MumStory is a series by The Singapore Women’s Weekly to uncover the underrated and underreported moments in motherhood and parenting — because we believe every mum has a story worth telling. Got a story to share? Email us at sww@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs on Instagram.
So many aspects of motherhood is about going with the flow. And it can come as a shocker especially for those who love to plan and have everything in order. Deborah Wong, who has a two-and-a-half-year-old boy and a nine-month-old girl, experienced the unpredictability of motherhood firsthand. From having to induce her second birth to navigating her new life as a mum, many things deviated from her plan.
Apart from sharing the bumps in her journey, Deborah, who’s the co-owner of Breathe Pilates and a senior instructor, also shares the value of taking care of oneself, as well as her thoughts on what’s lacking in pre and postnatal care.
Read on for her #MumStory.
Balancing everyone’s needs and keeping up with the children as they grow is also challenging. Just when you think you have got it down, your children reach a new stage in development and you have to readjust everything again!
Of course, lack of sleep is another factor. I love a good night’s rest, and that is just difficult to have as a parent.
What are your biggest concerns about parenting?
I am concerned about whether how we raise our children may inadvertently result in psychological impact on them, regardless of how careful we try to be. We try to stay updated with child psychology and development, but I am prepared for them to tell us in 20 years that we might have made some sort of mistake during our parenthood journey that they still remember!
What do you wish you knew before becoming a mum?
There are always curveballs during pre and postpartum.
During pregnancy, you can have all the information and draft up plans—even your birth plan—but so much of the pregnancy process is really just about surrendering control and having faith in your body and the process of conception and birth.
For example, I genuinely wanted to have a natural and non-medicated birth as far as possible. We managed to achieve that with my son, but with my daughter, I had to induce her at 42 weeks because she showed no signs of coming at all!
And after birth, it is all about navigating matrescence.
The entire process of becoming a mother is not an instant or linear one. There are so many competing thoughts, desires, and emotions, and you are quite literally defining a new self. Your children do not just fit into your old life. You are a new person and you have a whole new family and way of being.
I honestly wish I had a practical internship; hands-on mothering. You can read about it, but there’s nothing quite like doing it. One moment you’re the child of the family and then suddenly you’re a parent!
I am a bit of a worrier and generally like to research and be more than prepared. After I got married and when we started doing preconception planning, I spent a lot of time researching and finding out about pre and postnatal care. Researching and implementing them really helped me to feel confident and empowered.
For self-care, a lot of it came from fitness. As a pilates instructor, I did pilates throughout both my pregnancies, including gentle movement in the first trimester, followed by pilates and gyrotonic two to three times a week as my energy levels improved in the second and third trimesters. I also did a lot of core work to keep my core engaged throughout pregnancy, which helped me recover faster postpartum and to regain my strength. I continued teaching pilates up to the 40th week of my pregnancy!
My main aim was not to gain strength or promote weight loss. Instead, it was to preserve muscle mass. I also made sure to eat at least 100g of protein a day during pregnancy and postpartum.
What else did you do for pre and postnatal care?
One thing I did consistently was to check on my nutrition levels throughout pregnancy. This included vitamin D, B12, calcium, iron, etc. Protein helped maintain my muscle mass and also kept me feeling full and satiated, my blood sugar levels healthy, and helped the baby grow! During both my pregnancies, I also did IV iron infusion early to prepare for labour and postpartum recovery.
Additionally, I am a huge believer in the TCM concept of confinement and followed it strictly. I did bathe though, making sure to dry my hair thoroughly! Beyond that, I also got regular bodywork adjustments such as massages and chiropractic treatment as well during my pregnancy and postpartum.
As an instructor who specialises in pre and postnatal fitness, what is one thing you’ve noticed about the mums you’ve worked with?
Mums always put themselves second. This is because any mum would be willing to do anything and sacrifice many things for their children. But we often forget that the most important thing we can do is look after ourselves.
Our bodies are the vessels within which our child will grow during the prenatal period. Poor fitness and poor nutrition will directly impact the child.
Another thing is that people also think that prenatal care is just medical care. However, there is so much more to it than just going to see the obstetricians and gynaecologists (OB-GYN), doing the ultrasound, and taking your vitamins! The nutritional, fitness, and emotional aspects often get forgotten.
Postnatal care also does not end when your OB-GYN discharges you. The body changes over nine months to accommodate the baby and it will take time for it to return to the physiological state of not being pregnant. During that time, there will be physical, mental, and emotional changes. Proper postnatal care includes dealing with these changes.
Having full knowledge of the physiological changes that happen in pregnancy helps me to understand and create programmes that are appropriate for the clients. Also, understanding the pathology and potential complications that can happen helps me to know how much to push the clients and when to back off. I am able to read their symptoms and signs better.
As a mum, what aspects of pre and postnatal care do you believe can be improved upon?
It really takes a village to raise a child.
In an ideal situation, there would be a team to support the mother through the process. That team would include a fitness trainer, pelvic floor physiotherapist, doula, midwife, nutritionist, your loved ones, and so much more.
However, such an extensive support system is often unfeasible from a cost or logistics point of view. In that case, information covering all these aspects should be easily available. There can also be a care coordinator, normally the midwife or the OB-GYN, who would lead the entire support system.
Personally, I believe that the entire approach to healthcare during pre and postnatal needs a radical review. The community is such a big area of support, too. The extended family and neighbours can help out as well. So much of the burden of childcare is on the nuclear family, especially the mother, which can be unsustainable.
Exercising! It makes me so much more confident when I feel strong and fit. I can bring my children out alone, carry the bags and stroller, run after them, and carry them. Parenting is physically demanding, and knowing I can keep up with my toddler gives me confidence!
I also love my massages and facials. In addition, watching Netflix for an hour after the children go to bed, and listening to podcasts and audiobooks while driving or working out, are forms of entertainment that are decompressing for me.
What do you love most about being a mum?
My answer may be cliche, but it’s watching them grow. Simple things like watching my toddler express his emotions and develop his will and interest are just so fascinating.
What I also have enjoyed is that my relationship with my parents has taken on a new paradigm. I see them in a different light and appreciate them so much more now that I’m a parent myself! Watching them play with my children and delight in each other is also one of the best things.
When it comes to motherhood/parenting, what kind of support would you like more of?
I would definitely like more support for the mental load! I basically run my entire household schedule, including sleeping, eating, and other activities. Keeping track of all that is exhausting. My husband is a programmer and I am always asking him to design an app that allows me to offload that. He has yet to find a solution either!