He understands it better now. In the past, he was very bitter about it. He used to ask why we divorced, and say things like, “It’s all your fault” and “Now I have a broken family.”
Were there mistakes you made as a single mum?
When adults are in the middle of a divorce, they can be negative and angry.
When I started to heal from my divorce, I realised that there were things I shouldn’t have said or done to my child.
I used to be very bitter. I kept complaining about his father; it didn’t make him feel good. I said something that I don’t recall, but my son remembers for life. I wasn’t even talking to him when I said “You’re a piece of shit!”. But my son felt like it was directed at him. It scarred him for life, and I feel brokenhearted because of that.
A lot of bickering parents are not aware of this: as you fight with your spouse, you’ll forget that somebody else is watching. Parents think it’s no big deal, but it hits the child directly.
Single mums should be especially mindful of how we speak about our ex. If you keep shitting on him in front of your child, what kind of child are you bringing up? What kind of monster are you creating?
I nearly fell into depression during the divorce because there was so much going on. All that affected my son very negatively.
So I changed. I think that to be a good mother, you have to have a lot of self-love. I saw the change in Cedric after I snapped out of my negativity. He became more confident, was happier, not as scared, and didn’t sulk as much. There was a lot, a lot of difference.
Before that, he was more withdrawn. He would always say, “Mummy, I’m sorry.” But it was never his fault.
What are your thoughts on remarriage?
I am currently seeing someone and he gets along really well with Cedric. As for marriage… It’s just a piece of paper. It’s not a priority. If it comes, it comes.
