Once every two or three weeks, I take my kids to the supermarket and let them pick the snacks they want. Whatever it is, I will respect their choices. If they want to eat one whole tube of candy, that’s fine. Sometimes, they pick up two snacks and ask me which they should buy. I will just tell them to decide. I ask them: why don’t you just think about which one you like better, and make the choice?
To me, it is important that they can make simple decisions. This empowers them. I feel that if parents make too many decisions for their children, the kids will have trouble deciding for themselves when they grow up.
One other thing I let my children have freedom over is the use of their own pocket money. This was taught to me by my parents. My mum would give me a stipulated amount of money and I would save up. Whatever I did with my savings was entirely up to me.
If my kids buy something and regret it, they will learn from that and know what not to buy in the future. Letting them make their own decisions will benefit them in the long term. I want to leave them in a world where they can make decisions for themselves.
I was given a lot of freedom to make my own choices by my parents. I made good ones and bad ones but I learnt along the way. That is, to me, the more appropriate way to parent because you need the children to fall on their knees and get up on their own.
What happens when they make questionable decisions?
For certain small decisions, I will let them make it even if I know that it isn’t for the best, such as mixing with certain friends. But I’ll be at their side telling them what I observe about this friend, etc.
For other things, though, I will step in and say “no”. Let’s say they want to quit a certain discipline. I will weigh the pros and cons: is it because they are not motivated to do it or because they dislike it? I think the parent needs to truly understand the situation before stepping in.
You mentioned earlier that your children’s mental health is important.
Yes. To me, my kids’ mental health is the most important thing. If they aren’t mentally healthy, that means they aren’t happy.
Unfortunately, mental health is not like physical hurt. If you have an abrasion, you’re able to heal from it. When it comes to mental health, relapses can happen. The healing process for mental health can take years. So keeping my children mentally healthy is key to me.
My kids can be brilliant at school. But without a healthy mind, you can’t function and pull through many things in life.
