My husband and I always knew that we wanted to have kids at some point, but I hadn’t yet come to a point where I felt “ready”. That was until I got unexpectedly pregnant with my first child. From then on, I just had to be ready for parenthood, come what may. 

It would have to be after my first child (daughter) was born in 2015.

I’d just turned 28 and felt like I deserved to enjoy life a little more in my 20s like my peers.

Instead, I found myself bound to the chair breastfeeding my baby and pumping breast milk for a good nine months. Those months seemed like the longest stretch of my life as I lost my freedom, pre-baby body, and identity.

As a first-time mum, I was also hyper-worried about everything to do with my newborn: how much milk she was drinking, whether she was burped enough, whether she slept enough, what her cries meant, and a thousand other things. At the same time, I worried about whether I was doing enough; whether I was expressing milk properly to avoid lumps and mastitis, whether I was ready to be a mum… I struggled with self-doubt a lot. I ended up googling my anxious questions or texting the few mum friends I had.

That I’d never be ready for motherhood, and that one can only plan so far. I’ve learnt that motherhood is really about learning to roll with the punches and having to manage your expectations along the way.

“Once you’re a mum, everything will be about your kids.” I get why people say that. Parenthood can be all-consuming, but it doesn’t have to be if you commit to creating space and time for yourself. After seven years of motherhood, I absolutely believe that I have to fill my cup before I can tend to my kids. Happy mum, happy kids.

When I was out with my four-year-old boy, I let him “chope” our seats at a food court out of my sight so I could buy a drink for myself. I need to constantly remind myself not to take safety for granted. (And to plan my F&B orders beforehand.)

Scrolling through photos and videos of my kids on my phone, which date back to their infant days.

Reliving those times makes me feel proud, and seeing how much they have grown always renews my perspectives. Not to mention, it’s a great mood booster during a dreary work day.

I aspire to be a mum who’s true to herself and practises what she preaches: kindness, honesty, integrity, and perseverance. I also want to remain young at heart and be able to connect with my kids no matter our biological ages.

I started out as a bitter, anxious and unwilling mum. Now, I’m actually quite contented.

I let things go more easily and I’m unfazed by many things. My perspectives and priorities have also shifted a lot since.

We definitely spend a lot less time with each other compared to before we had kids. We make it a point to text each other at the start of a workday and keep our chats open to discuss issues that aren’t related to our kids, such as general news, work challenges, and world views. It also helps that we still celebrate our dating monthiversary after 13 years!

Yes, we did. We discussed them and decided that we’d support each other in our own method of disciplining our kids, especially while in the presence of them. We believe that consistency in executing certain parenting approaches is more important than the approach itself.

My sex life has gone through so much; from being almost non-existent during my breastfeeding days (thanks hormones) to having to be creative now that there’s limited time and space. We co-sleep with my son, and have no plans to train him to sleep on his own just yet, so…

Weekly outdoor runs and yoga classes are almost non-negotiable for me to stay sane and healthy. The occasional onsen trips and massages with my girlfriend are a blessing. A week in the Maldives or any tranquil beach resort (sans kids) would be nice…

I’d like more public understanding and appreciation of the important roles that parents and healthy families play in society. Also, the myriad of issues and challenges that parents face daily. People tend to adopt a “you chose to be a parent, so live with it” attitude, and cast quick and unnecessary judgements.

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