#MumStory is a series by The Singapore Women’s Weekly to uncover the underrated and underreported moments in motherhood and parenting — because we believe every mum has a story worth telling. Got a story to share? Email us at sww@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs on Instagram.
Being a working mum requires one to balance both work and family, and sometimes she has to choose between one or the other. Geraldine Ho, a senior manager at Shopee Singapore’s business development department, decided to leave her consulting job at another company to spend more time with her kids.
But that doesn’t mean that Geraldine forwent her professional aspirations. In fact, the mum of two boys (4 and 2 years old), who’s expecting her third child, is all about having a meaningful career alongside her family life. She tells us how she tries to find an equilibrium that works for her.
Read on for her #MumStory.
I think the hardest thing is wanting to “have it all”. For instance, trying to balance between being successful at both work and at home given the finite amount of hours each day.
For me, I try to manage this by looking at my time in weeks instead of focusing on checking all the boxes every day. There will be some days where I feel like I’ve failed, but if I reframe my perspective to a weekly view, I am then able to achieve better balance overall and feel less terrible about myself.
What’s one thing you’ve heard about motherhood/parenting that you disagree with?
That one has to sacrifice their professional aspirations in order to have both a successful career and a happy family. From my perspective, it’s all about balance. For myself, I would not want to be forced to subscribe to extreme binary options.
When I decided to switch from a role in consulting to business development in Shopee Singapore back in late 2021, I was seeking a more sustainable lifestyle with minimal travelling so that I could spend more time with my family and the boys. At that time, my second son had just turned one as well.
With two active boys at home, I really wanted to be able to spend more time watching them grow up.
Watching them grow is so precious to me as these moments will only happen once. I accompanied my eldest son to his first dentist visit and watched him stay calm and brave throughout the entire session; I also helped him with his Chinese enrichment work every week and watched him improve over time – if I had missed these moments, I would have never gotten to experience them again.
Switching careers has definitely allowed me to have more flexibility with my evenings. I don’t have frequent night calls, which helps greatly, as bedtime routines can be quite unpredictable with the children. My current role is also largely based in Singapore so I get to see my children every day. Not having to travel also helps a lot with childcare duties.
How has it been like in your new job?
I feel empowered to become a role model to the younger employees and share with them tips on how to handle both personal and work-related commitments.
Having two young boys and with a new baby on the way, there are times when younger employees ask me for casual chats to discuss how to make it work (as a working mum) or how to balance between having children and attaining a meaningful career. My advice is to be clear on what you want and not be afraid to ask questions. Set reasonable and fair boundaries, and know what is your bottom line when it comes to trade-offs.
As a working mum and a team leader, I am very honoured to be able to connect with them by imparting some tips and tricks to “handle” daily life and constantly encouraging them to remember to work and play hard.
One of the biggest challenges I have faced as a working mother is meeting societal expectations. My children’s school always calls me first when my kids are sick just because the norm is that the mother is always the primary caregiver. However, my husband spends just as much time or even more time with my children.
Being a working mum means I have to balance work responsibilities with caregiving responsibilities, which means I cannot always be there as the primary caregiver.
However, I recognise that every family’s situation is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. For me, I am very fortunate to have a partner who’s as hands-on as myself with the kids. That gives me peace of mind to know that when I’m not there, my kids are in good hands!
Simply put, to me, it’s never just about motherhood, but parenthood. It always takes two to solve a problem together and make things work for the family. This partnership requires constant discussion and communication between husband and wife. At the same time, we have to constantly re-evaluate our priorities and adjust our schedules accordingly to ensure that our children’s needs are not compromised in the process.
Some working parents feel that they are treated differently from staff who are non-parents. Have you experienced this?
My experience is that most people are very accommodating to working parents and we are generally well-supported. However, sometimes working parents may feel guilty and hesitant to ask for help.
I remember a dear colleague of mine exclaiming: “I know I don’t have children, but I have a life as well,” when I asked her for help. It was at that moment that it dawned on me how it may have been seemingly unfair when other colleagues (who don’t have children or are not married) have to step in and take on more just to help me (or other parents) out.
Therefore, it is important for a corporation to instill a more holistic view when it comes to workload management and to send the right message to all its employees.
A good work-life balance to me is one where I have the flexibility and autonomy to adjust my schedule easily according to the existing demands/needs of my work and family. It’s not about setting a strict boundary (e.g. the number of hours spent at work or at home) to get the balance.
I would be lying if I said I don’t struggle to balance work and family. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day, so it boils down to prioritising what’s really important to you and what needs to be done. I have to set boundaries to ensure I spend adequate time with my family and children.
I find that having a clear to-do list and carving out 10 to 15 minutes each day to prioritise what really needs to be done is very helpful in managing timelines and my needs. There will be bad days when I feel that I’m not bringing my best to work or home, but I try not to let that bring me down too much. Instead, I focus on how else I can improve. I always remind myself that I have a choice, and it’s all about making the best decision at that moment in time.
Now on weekdays, I try to spend two to three hours a day with my two boys. For instance, 7pm to 9pm is usually my protected time for when I have dinner and spend some quality time with them before their bedtime. My favourite bedtime routine is showering my boys and having our bedtime storytelling sessions.
What else helps you achieve a work-life balance?
We have a live-in helper who has been with us since my eldest was born, and my husband is very involved with taking care of the kids. We believe in equal parenting, which has definitely enabled me to work towards a work-life balance.
Have you felt mum guilt recently?
I was extremely tired after a huge campaign and chose to skip a play outing with my children so that I could rest. I left them with my husband and helper. But I experience minimal mum guilt because when I’m with my kids, I am truly present in the moment — I also do spend most of my weekday nights and weekends with them.
I remember coming home late one day, and my eldest son asked me if I had dinner, and whether I had to work late because of 4.4. He understands that I get busy during double-digit days when most of our Shopee Singapore sale dates fall.
What do you love most about being a mum?
The unconditional love you receive from the children, and just watching them go through different stages of their lives.