Teens often find themselves in tough situations where they’re forced to do things they don’t want to, like drugs and smoking, due to peer pressure. Bert Fulks came with an idea called the X-Plan for his kids, where they can text ‘X’ to their parents at any time as a signal to call them and pick them up immediately, extracting them from a tough situation. The catch? Parents aren’t allowed to ask the details of the situation, so their kids aren’t forced to tattle on their friends. The X-Plan allows parents and teens to build bonds of trust, without jeopardising teenagers’ delicate relationships with their own friends.

Teenagers aren’t short of an opinion or two, so use that to your advantage when it comes to bolstering their self-esteem. Teenagers are desperate to be seen as grown up — until it comes to paying bills and rent, of course! — so be inclusive. Ask for their opinion on family matters. It can be as simple as asking what they think you should have for dinner to asking for their advice on renovating the kitchen, what they’d like to do over the holidays or what they think their sibling would like for their birthday. It doesn’t matter the topic; the message you’re sending is that their opinion is valued.

Countless studies have highlighted the positive effect that team sports can have on teenagers. Aside from the obvious benefits that spring to mind — exercise, fun and camaraderie — there are deeper advantages that tie into your teen’s self-confidence levels. Team sports help develop personal values such as respect, as well as boosting self-worth through resilience, social interactions and a sense of belonging. There’s still more teenage boys playing sport than girls however, so if you’re the parent of a teenage girl, work extra hard to get them involved in team sports such as netball. And if you’re struggling to get teens actively involved in sport, give them a choice of sport or helping ‘round the house after school. They’ll soon be keen — or grudgingly agree, at least!

Teens learn their behavioural patterns from their parents so watch your language around them. We don’t mean swearing — besides, they’ve probably heard worse at school — we mean basic, everyday language. Especially when talking about yourself. Be positive. Don’t put yourself down. Break bad habits where your natural instinct is to be fearful or doubt yourself. Because that’s not the kind of internal self-dialogue you want your teen to have. You want them to have a positive view of themselves and to believe they can do anything.

Giving your teen more responsibility not only shows that you trust them, it also enhances their self-worth. It’s a way of saying “I believe in you” and gives them the freedom to set personal goals — and achieve them. It’s also a great way of introducing them to the realities of the world, whilst still being there to help and guide them. Stepping back and not doing everything for your teen allows them to test out life skills they’re developing, giving them experience and confidence. Whether it’s in the form of a weekend job or doing chores around the house, giving them responsibility teaches them to be accountable and that they’re a part of something bigger.

It sounds so simple, but think about it. How often do you nag your teen to pick up their wet towels from the floor or put the laundry in the basket? And how often do you take the time to say “good job, buddy” or even just “thanks” for helping out. To say teens are sensitive is a bit like saying Chris Hemsworth is alright-looking. The fact is, they’re hyper-sensitive to both criticism and praise — just like we were at their age — but you know what helps? When they feel valued and appreciated. So next time they do something right, something helpful or something good, tell them so. You might only get a grunt in response, but deep down they’re smiling. And remember, it’s important to praise their effort, not just their achievements.

Teenagers inevitably make mistakes — it’s part of growing up — but try to make your disciplinarian comments constructive where possible. Sure, it will use all of your willpower not to say “I told you so” at times, but now isn’t the time to lecture them on what they should have done or worse, what you would have done. Teens learn how to handle stress from you, so it’s important to deal with setbacks constructively. Adopt a “what’s done is done” attitude and help them come up with a solution-based action plan. When they’re feeling less vulnerable, you can have discussions about disappointment and expecting more from them. And, whatever you do, avoid labelling them as stupid or reprimanding them in front of others. Both are an instant dent to your teen’s ego.

Just because you were a cheerleader/played trumpet/headed up the debating committee in high school, doesn’t mean your teenager is going to want to do the same. The hardest lesson to learn as a parent is when to let go, but projecting your hopes, dreams and hobbies onto your teen could actually quash their confidence. Let them be free to explore their own interests and discover what they excel at — you’ll see their confidence levels flourish when they find it. Just be warned, some teenage dreams are short-lived so be supportive, just don’t necessarily invest in every hobby. Hire instruments and costumes, communicating that you’ll buy whatever it is when they’ve committed to the hobby for six months. Fair’s fair.

READ MORE:
8 Warning Signs That Your Child Or Teen Might Be Depressed
5 Ways You Can Improve Your Child’s Self-Esteem
5 Ways Fathers Can Help Their Child Be Happier