Don’t be alarmed if your kid won’t sleep alone at night and tells you that they are afraid of doing so. Many young children go through a phase when they prefer to be with others during the night. There are many reasons for this, and here are some practical suggestions to help you tackle this challenge effectively:
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What’s wrong: He’s afraid of the dark, and this makes him want to have company.
How it shows: Your little one refuses to let you put the bedroom light out and starts to cry when you try to switch it off. You may find that after you switch the light off, you hear him get out of bed to click it back on again.
There are several options. First, you can fit a dimmer switch to his bedroom light enabling you to gradually darken his room a little bit more each night.
Second, you can have a night-light or a glow-plug, which gives off a small amount of illumination all the time.
Or you can sit with your child until he falls asleep – though that can soon turn into a habit that is hard to break.
What’s wrong: After waking in the middle of the night, he can’t get back to sleep.
How it shows: You are fast asleep when you suddenly realise your young child is at your bedside, wide awake and afraid of being alone. He mumbles that he can’t get back to sleep and he wants to come in beside you.
Take him back to bed, give him a quick cuddle, and then leave the room. Resist any temptation to give him food and drink and definitely don’t play a game with him.
Your basic strategy should be to reassure your son and return him to his own bed, while making it clear that this is not a time for fun and games. Do this every single time he wakes during the night until he settles down.
What’s wrong: He is so worried about something that he wakes up troubled and lonely.
How it shows: He goes to bed at the usual time without any complaint, but he genuinely struggles to get to sleep. He may lie awake for hours. You may also find he wakes up crying in the middle of the night and doesn’t want to stay on his own.
Start by calming your child and by giving him lots of reassurance that he has nothing to worry about. But keep him in his own bed while you do this.
The next day, think hard about possible areas that may concern him – for instance, falling out with his best friend at preschool, or continual teasing from his older sister. Do what you can to make practical changes to resolve his concerns.
What’s wrong: His so-called fear of sleeping alone is simply attention-seeking behaviour.
How it shows: Although your little one tells you he doesn’t want to sleep alone and that he is afraid, he makes a remarkable recovery the moment you appear in his room! Your attention lifts his mood instantly and he wants to play with you.
Take more control of when you give your kid attention. For example, try to ignore him when he calls out that he doesn’t want to sleep alone – and if you feel you have to go in to see him, keep that contact brief, without any fuss.
In addition, give him positive attention when he wakes up alone in the morning. Tell him you are pleased that he slept alone, cuddle him and play with him.
What’s wrong: He tells you he’s not tired and wants you to stay in his bed until he falls asleep.
How it shows: If your child is told that it’s time for bed but the rest of the family — and especially older siblings — are still up and having fun watching videos or talking, your child may feel left out and not want to go to bed.
Your job as a parent is to put your children to bed, not to make them go to sleep. Keep wake-up time consistent with an alarm clock. If a child can’t sleep, allow him or her to read in bed. Keep the room lights dim or off. Sit on your child’s bed or snuggle beside them and talk about whatever is on their mind but set limits – when you tell him it’s time to go, you really should go.
(Text: Young Parents / Additional reporting: Natalya Molok)