He may think that every cent spent on a new car is worthwhile; she’d rather take public transport. She feels that dining out at restaurants are experiences worth splurging on; he’d happily eat cai fan from the hawker centre and save the money.
Sound familiar? It’s common to have differences in perspectives when it comes to how money is spent. What makes this especially tricky is how deeply rooted and subjective your points of view can be.
Something that may be essential spending to your partner, may seem like a frivolous expense to you. Your partner’s choice of what to spend on may cause you to feel incredulous or disconnected, or even suspect their responsibility.
The key is to be aware that these perspectives usually stem from each person’s values. While you may differ on how they are expressed, you can still respect and even agree on some of the underlying values.
For instance, one person may feel that a car is important because he/she feels that it will save time in commuting, allowing more time to be spent together as a couple. Whereas the partner may feel that taking public transport helps save money for holidays together.
Both partners actually value spending time together, but are pursuing this in different ways.
To address this issue, take a step back the next time you feel that your partner has spent a ‘ridiculous’ amount on something (or spent on something ‘ridiculous’). Instead of approaching your partner with your assumptions, which can cause defensiveness, ask openly about what this item/experience means to him/her.
Listen without judging and try to understand how it connects to their values.
