Ben Affleck and JLo – they look amazing together, don’t they? And their love story? How romantic and inspirational indeed. In case you’ve been under a rock lately, the celebrity couple – known as Bennifer to fans – reunited nearly 20 years after they were first engaged. After marriages to and children with other partners, the couple got married in a big bash on 20 August, a month after a low-key ceremony in Las Vegas.
Bennifer might be a shining example of finding love second time round but are they the exception or the norm? Admit it, many of us have someone in our lives who we wish we could be with again. And in some instances, the other party might feel the same too. But is it wise to give it a try? Should you reconnect with the one that got away?
Dr Natalie Games, a clinical psychologist at Alliance Counselling, quotes Los Angeles-based relationship expert Dr. Gary Brown, who defines such a person as “someone who, in hindsight, we regret not being with because when we look back we feel that they may have truly been ‘the one’ for us that we might want to have known better”. Or it’s a situation where you realise that “they were potentially the one you might very well want to spend the rest of your life with”.
You shouldn’t just go into such a situation blindly, though. It’s important to do it for the right reasons and make sure that “both parties are committed to changing things for the better”, says Dr Games.
“For starters, it’s imperative to make sure you’re not looking to reunite for the wrong reasons,” she stresses.
She lists some of these reasons:
- Your fear of being alone or ‘ starting over’ again. If you’re returning to the relationship just because it’s comfortable, then you’re operating from a space of fear and not what is in your best interest.
- You’re lonely. Learn how to spend time alone with yourself and be comfortable doing so. If you don’t learn to value time with yourself first, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.
- A potential red flag is that you’re worried about telling friends and family that you’re getting back together. This could mean you don’t truly think it is the best decision for you, or you know they would have questions or concerns that may make you second guess your decision.