I would suggest defining what sexy means for you and exploring what sexy feels like for you. Sexiness is a state of mind and being. You need to embody and feel it in your body so you can be IT.

I’ve had many women express not just anger but absolute rage when their sexy underwear doesn’t give the type of attention they expected to receive. Their husbands, in turn, explain to me that it is not what their wives are wearing, but the way they’re wearing it that doesn’t work for them.

In other words, their wives could be wearing the most expensive or supposedly sexiest lingerie in the world, but it still won’t work because they just didn’t own the look!

I really like to encourage you to view sexy as more than just what one wears but who one is. Go deeper into exploring what turns you on — mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

What sexy persona might you like to channel in the bedroom if you were to fake it till you make it (practice until it becomes more natural)? Explore, experiment and do it for the most important person in your life — you!

When we do things for the right reasons (for ourselves), it can never fail because it is an ongoing and ever evolving journey we have with ourselves and we can only get more comfortable with ourselves when we start.

Perhaps this might help: labias come in all kinds of variations — small or large, visible or hidden, lopsided or symmetrical. All are normal and are what make your vulva uniquely yours.

I like to suggest that you take a mirror and have a look at them — it is a part of your body and who you are. Claim it, own it fully, and of course, love her.

I might point out to him that his testicles are uneven too since it is common for one to be slightly bigger than the other, and one testicle to hang lower than the other (sorry not sorry for the tit for tat!).

I often say this is how we were wonderfully created so we can close our legs if we choose to.

On a more serious note, I might tell him the above scientific knowledge that all labias and testicles tend to be uneven and leave it as it is.

Place your hand over your labia — send love to the region for the trauma and shame you experienced and in your next breath, let the past be in the past and hopefully be able close that chapter once and for all after speaking to him about it.

Better yet, get him to say sorry to your genitals. If he continues to make fun of your genitals, please send him to me for some sexual counselling.

Text: Hayley Tai/Her World