“If you want sex, ask for it. I used to wait for my husband to initiate sex, so if he didn’t make a move, I didn’t get any action. After some time I realised how this was affecting my sex life. So now, when I’m in the mood, I express that need to my husband. I either just take his hand and lead him to the bedroom or whisper something sexy in his ear. Sometimes, I’ll just put on my favourite lace camisole and panty set and he gets the message that I’m up for it. If you’ve never initiated sex with your partner before, I suggest you start now. Your sexual pleasure is not dependent on your man, and knowing that is such an incredibly empowering feeling.” – Anna*, 32, cabin crew

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“In the early stages of my marriage, I would go to bed wearing a long nightie and insist on having sex in the dark. There was just no way I was going to let my husband see me completely naked. I refused to even shower with him! This bothered him so we talked about it. When I told him about my body insecurities, he thought I was crazy. All the things I was hung up about, from my cellulite and love handles to my flabby thighs, my hubby barely noticed. It took a while for me to get used to, but now I’m okay with leaving a small light on during sex and allowing my husband to see me fully naked. Feeling comfortable in my skin means being able to let go, which in turn makes for more enjoyable sex.” – Candace*, 37, teacher

“Sometimes we hold back about what we really want in bed because we worry about how we’ll come across to our partner. But women who are sexually confident aren’t afraid to ask for what they want. I used to be really shy about sharing my desires and fantasies with my guy, but pretty soon I learnt that, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. If I’ve come across a sex position I want to try or want my guy to touch me somewhere different, I speak up. The more you do it the easier it gets.” – Tanya*, 34, marketing communications manager

“Shyness in the bedroom is a common problem for many women, especially if they’re in a new relationship. When I started dating my fiancé, I found it hard to express my sexual side because I was just getting to know him and was afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and being made fun of. The way I got over my anxiety was to play my favourite music during sex. It got me in the mood, relaxed me, and made me feel more in control of the situation. It also shifted my focus and allowed my mind to go from worrying about my performance to just enjoying the physical sensations I was experiencing.” – Carmen*, 29, finance executive

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“It’s amazing what a sexy pair of undies or a silky nightie can do for your sexual confidence. But you don’t have to go all-out and spend a fortune on lingerie; just find out what styles you like and invest in a few pieces that you can mix and match. And you don’t have to wear anything outrageous, either. If you prefer a simple camisole and panty set to stockings and a garter belt, go with that. Of course, whatever you pick should be visually appealing to your guy as well, but most importantly it should bring out the tiger in you when you wear it.” – Marcia*, 32, sales manager

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“You can’t be confident in bed if your mind is full of worries and non sex-related thoughts. I used to go to bed feeling overwhelmed with thoughts about work, money and family, and I found that that ruined my overall mood in bed. It took me a while to let go of those thoughts and give my partner my full attention. But being present with him also made me more aware of my own sexual needs and gave me a greater sense of sexual empowerment.” – Tina*, 34, writer

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“Sex is not some serious experience. It’s not like sitting for an exam or going for a job interview. It’s about relaxing, letting go, having fun, and sharing yourself with your partner. To that end, you have to cut yourself some slack when it comes to your skills between the sheets. There’s nothing wrong with laughing at yourself when a position doesn’t quite go the way you want or if your dirty talk sounds silly. When you allow yourself to have fun and just be yourself, the sex feels more passionate and more enjoyable.” – Felicia*, 38, stay-at-home mum

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“I used to be quite shy in bed, but I’ve since learnt a trick to help me feel more self-assured: I channel my inner sex goddess. It sounds lame but it really works. I imagine that I’m one of the world’s hottest actresses about to film a sexy scene and I try to act out her moves, from swaying my hips as I walk towards the bed to talking in a low, sexy voice. It works every time! When I make love to my man, I truly and honestly believe that I’m the best lover he’s ever had, and it shows.” – Jasmine*, 33, writer

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“Women who are sexually confident don’t shy away from trying new things in bed. They actively pursue avenues that they believe will heighten their sexual pleasure and they’re open to picking up new sexual skills. So don’t hold back from being adventurous in bed. I’m certainly more daring than I used to be; I like experimenting with sex positions that I’ve read about and sometimes my partner and I will check out new sex toys or sex games together. The more you explore new ways to enjoy sex, the more secure you’ll feel about your sexuality.” – Brenda*, 42, lawyer

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“In order to feel confident about sharing your sexual desires with your man, you have to first know what turns you on. And one of the best ways to do that is to get to know your body better. Masturbation, for instance, helps you figure out where your hotspots are, but understanding your body also means being okay with looking at yourself naked. Once you’re familiar with your body in an intimate way, that confidence is bound to come through during sex.” – Jillian*, 34, PR manager

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Text: Sasha Gonzales/Herworld

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