According to Brian Lim, a couple and family therapist at Relationship Matters, there are two common reasons as to why you want to reconcile with an ex even though the relationship was painfully toxic. The first one? Emotional comfort.

“Human beings are creatures of familiarity. We often behave in ways that we’ve grown accustomed to doing without thinking,” he says.

“We can become so accustomed to being in an unhealthy relationship that being emotionally unattached from a familiar relationship can become stressful and anxiety-inducing.”

The second one is physical comfort. Oxytocin (the love hormone) increases the bond between two people during physical intimacy, so if you guys have been “close”, you’re probably physiologically attached to your partner. This adds to why you find it hard to completely leave the relationship even if it was glaringly unhealthy.

“The physiological attachment can be confusing. While the body is familiar with the physical intimacy, the [positive feeling] is incongruent with the [negative] emotions of being in such a relationship,” says Brian.

We can scrape the bottom of the barrel and still not be able to find a reason as to why you should be back together with someone who brought you more hurt than joy. But if you must give it “one last chance”, it should be because he’s willing to change and/or you’re both willing to compromise.

“It’s important to remember why the relationship failed in the first place. We can then learn how to repair the relationship and not repeat the same mistakes,” says Brian.

“If both partners are keen on making the necessary changes in the way they communicate and behave towards each other, perhaps there will be enough consideration for getting back together.”

He emphasises that it’s crucial that a couple not only learns how to deescalate conflict but resolve differences amicably. So if these are things you can see your ex doing along with you, it might not be all such a bad thing to give the relationship another go.