Given these vast benefits and the racy sex scenes we see in movies, it can be easy to believe that everyone else has a thriving and healthy sex life, but Matty explains that for a lot of people, the opposite is true.
“Couples fight about sex quite a lot,” she says. “When couples don’t sort out their problems, sooner or later resentment will surface and intimacy and sex will go on the back-burner. Problems should always be discussed; otherwise couples grow apart or become frustrated, resentful and angry, which often leads to divorce.
“Yes, sex can be private, but other couples can’t even talk about sex together when they are in private. People are embarrassed or worried they might say or ask for something that the other people won’t like.”
She sees a range of people through her door dealing with a variety of issues, but says that it’s not uncommon for couples to tell her that they haven’t had sex for months, or even years.
“About 40 percent of all my clients are couples who have relationship issues because of their lack of sex and lack of intimacy, infidelities, jealousies or lack of enjoyment of sex.”
In the early stages of a relationship, couples tend to have spontaneous sex frequently, but after a couple of years, moving in together or having children, she says that it’s natural for the maintenance of a good sex life to require more effort and planning.
Amidst busy work schedules, chores and family commitments, sex can end up being the last thing on the priority list, left until late at night when both parties are simply too tired, or go to bed at different times.
Despite what you see in movies, sex isn’t always spontaneous. Life is busy, so there is no shame in scheduling it in the exact same way that you would for a vacation or dinner date. Matty suggests trying out new times for intimacy — perhaps in the morning, before or after dinner.
