There’s no need to beat around the bush or sugarcoat it, just come out and tell her that her guy is cheating on her. Be honest and just state the facts. Don’t add your opinion on the matter and don’t call him names. Your job is to be the messenger and not to show any emotions. And make sure that you’re alone when you break the news so that she can react in whichever way she wants to, without being embarrassed.

If you know her boyfriend well, get him to do the deed instead. Confront him and tell him that you know he’s cheating on your friend and that you’re going to tell her if he doesn’t. Give him a deadline — tell him that you’ll spill the beans in X number of days if he doesn’t tell her. Just make sure that this isn’t an empty threat and that you’ll actually inform your friend if he doesn’t do it.

The best way to make her believe you — because you know it’s very likely that she won’t — is to provide her with proof. This could be in the form of a photo of him with another woman or get the other party involved to confess. Showing her proof will get her to face reality and also shift her anger towards you (yes, she’s certainly going to be angry with you) to him.

If you don’t have any proof but you know he’s cheating on her, drop hints and ask her questions about her man. Ask her if she’s noticed anything different about him lately or if he’s been MIA more often. It’s possible that he has shown signs and if you can point her in the right direction and let her figure it out for herself, she might find it easier to handle and not be embarrassed about it.

If you know that her boyfriend is meeting another woman at a particular place or if he is seen with her regularly somewhere, arrange to go there with your friend. You don’t have to tell her anything beforehand, just go there and hope that he shows up with the other woman. When your friend sees this for herself, she’ll have the evidence right in front of her eyes and you can then be there to help her deal with it.

If you don’t have the heart to tell her — or if perhaps you’re not that close but you think she should know — send her an anonymous note. Mention his behaviour and it’s important that you include any details because you want her to believe it. This is also the way to do it if you know that she won’t believe you if you told her face-to-face and you don’t want to risk losing her friendship.

Your duty here is just to tell her what her boyfriend is up to, it’s not your call to tell her to dump him and you certainly can’t force her to leave him. Be prepared to face the fact that she might stay with him and don’t get angry if she does so. And, if she decides never to speak to you again, that’s a risk you’ll have to take too.

It’s normal to feel lousy because you’ll be giving your friend not-so-happy news but remember that you’re not the bad person here. She will probably be angry with you for bringing it up, especially if she thinks that they’re in a very happy relationship, but it’s not your fault that her visions of her ideal boyfriend have been shattered. Tell her that you want her to be happy and that it upsets you too that he has done this to her. But don’t be overdramatic and make this about you and how hurt you are — because it isn’t.

Text: Balvinder Sandhu/Her World

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