It’s awkward for everyone in the house when the headboard bangs repeatedly against the wall. So if your bed touches it, be sure to pull it away. Just don’t drag it so that everyone knows you’re moving the bed.

A white nosie machine fills the room with relaxing sounds, like that of a steady stream of wind blowing through trees. It’ll not only help put you to sleep at night, but also drown out the humping going on in your bed. 

Maybe you just can’t move your bed. Or the springs in them are way too creaky. Either way, if the sounds from your bed are going to give you away, you might as well move to the floor. Simply spread out a rug or towel, and you’re good to go. You could even do it doggy style on the floor – it’s pretty kinky. 

Yes, it’ll be warm – but there’s something about sweaty sex that makes it super hot. It’s like hot yoga – you may not love it, but it pays off.

It can be tricky for the both of you to get to the bathroom together, but ninja your way around and you just might be rewarded with the time of your life. Just try not to take too long because, well, it’s good to save the earth!

Egg cartons are known to be great (and cheap) soundproofing tools, and you can line the floor and the bottom of your door with them to keep the sound down. Just don’t let anyone see you bringing a tonne home, as it’ll definitely give your game away. Or, if you have young kids, you can always use the excuse that you’re trying to keep the sound of your baby/toddler crying from reaching the other rooms in the house. How considerate of you!