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Sex & Marriage

What Is Outercourse And Why Is This The New Way Of Having Sex?

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Sex & Marriage

What Is Outercourse And Why Is This The New Way Of Having Sex?

You don’t always have to have intercourse when getting intimate –here’s how to have a good time between the sheets without having sex

December 9, 2020
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Credit: Envato Elements

So you’ve been dating someone for some time now and a discussion about sex has come up. While you’re in love with your guy and feel like the time is right to take your relationship to the next level, you’re not sure if you’re ready to have sex with him just yet.

There’s nothing unusual about wanting to delay intercourse. In fact, an increasing number of men and women are putting sex on the backburner for a variety of reasons — some say they don’t feel comfortable having casual sex and would rather wait for the right partner to come along, while others believe that sex is a major commitment that’s best saved for marriage. Many young people also don’t want to deal with sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy — two of the many consequences of having sex with someone. 

There are no statistics for Singapore, but in the US, experts have found that sexual activity among young Americans is on the decline. One study, out of Indiana University and Sweden’s Karolinska Institute, and published this June in the medical journal JAMA Network Open, found that the percentage of sexually inactive 18- to 24 year-old men increased, from 18.9% between 2000 and 2002 to 30.9% between 2016 and 2018. Women were affected too, with the percentage of sexual inactivity most pronounced among those aged 25 to 34. 

The researchers concluded that millennials and Gen Z-ers are delaying sex because they have other things to do at night, such as playing electronic games, engaging in social media and binge-watching TV shows. These young adults are also likely to still be living at home with their parents, which makes dating and having sex a little inconvenient. 

But wanting to delay sex doesn’t mean forgoing it altogether. Young people are still getting intimate with their partners, except that instead of intercourse they are engaging in something called outercourse. 

Outercourse is any sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration (although some people might consent to their partners penetrating them with fingers and/or sex toys). Kissing, heavy petting and mutual masturbation all count as outercourse. 

Outercourse has many advantages. For one, because it doesn’t involve penis-in-vagina penetration, there’s a low risk of falling pregnant and spreading sexually transmitted infections (of course, if you engage in oral sex or allow your guy’s penis to come into close contact with your vagina, you should always play it safe with condoms and/or other forms of contraception). Outercourse is also a chance for you and your partner to understand each other’s bodies better. Plus, it can increase the trust, closeness and intimacy between you and your man and thus make for more satisfying orgasms. 

Here are five ideas for out-of-this-world outercourse: 

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https://www.womensweekly.com.sg/gallery/family/sex-and-marriage/what-is-outercourse-and-why-is-this-the-new-way-of-having-sex/
What Is Outercourse And Why Is This The New Way Of Having Sex?
Kissing
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Yes, kissing can be super-sexy. You and partner can take turns giving each other little kisses around the lips and eyes and on the cheeks and neck, before indulging in some deep and passionate French kissing (clothes are optional). Let your tongues intertwine while you caress each other and run your fingers through each other’s hair. In between kisses, exchange sexy fantasies for a really hot and heavy makeout sesh.

Envato Elements
Massage
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Bring out the body oil and give each other a relaxing massage. Start with the shoulders and neck before moving down to the chest, abdomen and genitals. Then, work on each other’s legs and feet. Keep your strokes slow and deliberate, and pay special attention to each other’s erogenous zones — the breasts and nipples, the lower back, the genitals and the area right above them, the inner thighs, and the soles of the feet.

Envato Elements
Mutual masturbation
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Invite your guy to explore your body — get him to run his fingers very slowly all over your shoulders, chest, tummy and legs. This will warm you up and get you both in the mood. Then, show him how you like your genitals touched. Most women enjoy clitoral stimulation using fingers or sex toys. If you don’t mind your partner penetrating you with his fingers or a sex toy then show him how to do it. Guide his fingers and hands so that he knows what kind of pressure you like and where exactly you prefer to be touched in order to climax. When he’s done, return the favour. Be sure to ask him how and where he likes to be touched. Tip: enhance your pleasure — and his — with a little lubricant.

Envato Elements
Oral sex
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Be sure to shower beforehand so that you’re both squeaky clean (shower together for extra fun!). Before getting down to business, spend a bit of time kissing, sharing your sexual fantasies and engaging in mutual masturbation. When you’re ready, show your man how to perform oral sex on you — depending on what you like, you may direct him to use the tip of his tongue or the flat of his tongue, or both. While he’s down there you could also get him to penetrate you using his fingers.

When it comes to going down on your man, be gentle at first. Use your lips and tongue and include some hand strokes to get him going. Build up the excitement by alternating between soft licks using the tip of your tongue and hard sucking motions.

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Playing with sex toys
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Don’t limit yourselves to vibrators. Clitoral stimulators and vibrating penis rings and sleeves also deliver loads of pleasure. Feeling cheekier than usual? Dress up in sexy lingerie and role-play with your partner or play X-rated card games like strip poker.

Text: Sasha Gonzales/Her World

Read Next

4 Reasons Why You Should Be Masturbating More

10 Epic Sex Tips From Real Singapore Women To Spice Up Your Date Night

Everything A Sex Expert Wants You To Know To Improve Your Sex Life

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