Apart from significantly increasing the physical and mental load of one party in a relationship, weaponised incompetence can affect your partnership in more ways than one.
“If this behaviour continues, in the short-term, it would certainly cause frustration and conflicts in the relationship”, Theresa explains. “This would also affect the couple and may prevent them from having an effective communication line as the couple may not be able to express their needs and emotions positively. In the long run, due to extensive unhappiness, the individuals would start to build resentment against each other, causing a breakdown in trust and safety – essential components in a healthy relationship.”
Interestingly, Theresa notes that “it is important to note that weaponised incompetence is not done out of malice. It is a symptom of a deeper issue in a relationship, and of unmet attachment needs that are perhaps not addressed in the relationship.”
She points out that “in any relationship, it is generally observed that the most common two attachment needs include partnership and companionship. For example, one spouse may be busy with work and is unable to cope with the immense housework. This spouse would require their partner to help out with the chores whilst they recuperate – a show of partnership.”
Theresa goes on to explain that for the other spouse, this can result in them feeling neglected or even being taken for granted as this spouse would often be away for work, leaving the spouse alone coping with boisterous children or untidy house. They now lack the companionship that they require to feel from their partner.
