You know your partner’s work schedule as well as they do, so when their working patterns change unexpectedly, this may indicate something isn’t quite right.

Longer unexplained hours at work are as a possible sign of an affair, as well as scheduling in after-work meetings and justifications for more socialising with colleagues. Perhaps you were once included in work functions and are now excluded.

Maybe you’ve noticed your partner won’t let you use their phone, when the once did. Or they’re showing signs of secrecy, resting the phone face-down and taking phone calls out of earshot. Changes in mobile phone use can be a telling sign of an affair. Things to look out for: your partner using their phone more often, or placing stronger focus on answering work emails at home.

Sure, changes in your partner’s phone habits may hint at an affair, however, changes in your significant other’s behaviour towards you may be one of the most obvious signs.

It’s quite difficult to keep two relationships going to the same degree, so if your partner seems more distant and comfortable with that, or alternatively more angry or resentful for no obvious reason, that could be a sign of competing feelings elsewhere.

… And they’re not ‘just tired’.

A person having an affair is often feeling guilty and conflicted and so might take offense to little things that happen at home to manage those bad feelings.

There are other factors however, which could influence your partner to be more emotional than usual, such as stress, ill health or other worries.

Therefore, it’s important not to jump to conclusions.

Is your partner spending longer getting ready for work? Perhaps they’ve bought a whole new work wardrobe or are wearing clothing outside of their usual style. Marriage experts says, dressing to impress (more than usual) for work could be a sign there might be an affair happening at the office.

Your instincts can be a signal that something isn’t quite right, subconsciously you can notice signs that your mind may not see, so if you’re getting strong instincts it’s worth asking and checking things out.

So you’re seeing these signs play out right in front of you and now you want to act on it but you may want to hold your horses.

Firstly, be mindful that what you’re feeling is suspicion – there’s no proof yet.

Think about what and when you’d like to raise it. Pick a good time when you won’t be interrupted. Try and be as calm as possible; you could even write down your thoughts and feelings. Tell them why you are worried and see what they say.

Try not to start with an accusation. Instead, open the conversation with something like: “We don’t seem as close as we usually are”; or “You seem distracted, and I have started to worry about you, and even wonder if you are having an affair”.

A person who is not having an affair, and is very engaged in your relationship, will want to reassure you in a very direct and heartfelt way, and discuss the issue that has caused your concern.

A person who starts yelling or telling you that you are crazy for example is not necessarily guilty of having an affair, but is unable to listen and take care of a worried partner. That, in itself, deserves further discussion.

If they do confess to a workplace affair, you may feel initial relief, but it may also feel overwhelming so call a friend or family member to drive you somewhere if you need some breathing space.

Responses to complicated questions like an affair aren’t always so black-and-white. You’re partner may say nothing is going on, yet you may still feel worried – if this is the case, seek professional help to talk things through.

Even if nothing is going on, there sounds like there are cracks in your relationship to talk about and it could be a great use of your time – and cheaper than a divorce!

(Text by Bettina Tyrell, bauersyndication.com.au / Additional reporting by Natalya Molok)