Firstly, you want to be really clear about either how you feel or what you want.
When you decide to approach the chat is also paramount. Pick a time when you both aren’t distracted or stressed out and then tell that person, “I have something that’s important to me that I’d like to talk to you about. When’s a good time for you?” Give the other person a little warning to they don’t feel blindsided and we create conditions for the best response.
Don’t be afraid to be super-honest and upfront. Seriously, you have nothing to lose by communicating clearly and asking for what you desire. We all love someone who is certain about who they are and what they desire, and it’s sexy if they have the courage to ask for that.
In a new relationship, you might say, “I really like you, so I want to talk first to make sure we’re on the same page.” And don’t forget about safety: “What kind of protection do you like to use? Is there anything you want me to know about your health or body?”
In terms of boundaries, you could ask, “Are there parts of your body or certain sex acts that are off limits?” And when it comes to pleasure, try, “I want to make you feel amazing. How do you like to be touched?”
It should always be a request, rather than a demand. For example, “I would love… but I realise you’re busy. Let me know if you can or don’t want to.”
Communication is often the number-one reason that relationships fail. Be courageous and own your honesty!
