You adored his ambition and drive when you first met him, but now you’re always telling him not to work so hard. Or you were attracted to his quiet confidence and the way he felt comfortable in his own skin, but now you urge him to be more outgoing at parties.

Or maybe you were thrilled he was super sociable and had a really fun circle of friends, but now you want him to stay in more.

“I see people do this all the time,” says psychologist Jo Lamble, author of Answers To Everyday Questions About Relationships.

“They tend to change the goalposts, and their partner says, ‘I don’t get it. You knew this was what I was like and now you’re asking me to be different.'”

“Remember what you were attracted to in the first place,” says Lamble.

“You did love that side of him. You should also remember that you’re not two halves of one whole – you’re two individuals who are choosing to be together.”

You feel pretty secure in your relationship so you’re in cruise mode. You don’t really make an effort to sit down and talk when he gets home from work – in fact, you’re both too busy checking your Facebook status or watching TV to factor in any quality face time. Before long it seems as though you might as well just be flatmates.

“Leaving your relationship to take care of itself can lead to feelings of resentment, decreased self-esteem and lack of relationship satisfaction, where neither of you feels appreciated or valued,” warns relationship and body language expert Katia Loisel.

Acknowledge your partner, stay curious about him and celebrate his achievements. “Thank him for the time, energy and eff ort he puts into everyday tasks, such as taking out the recycling or fixing that leaky tap,” says Loisel.

“It’s one of the simplest yet most romantic gestures.”

You might think that avoiding arguments or confrontations is the key to a happy relationship but in fact the opposite is true.

“If you shut down when your partner does something that bothers you because you don’t want to rock the boat, you are doing yourself and your relationship a real disservice by not communicating honestly,” says Loisel.

“Suppressing your true feelings through lack of communication can build resentment and friction and can lead to an emotional and physical gulf between you.”

“Trust that your partner cares enough about you to acknowledge your point of view, your wants and your needs, and vice versa. Communicating openly, honestly and without blame allows you and your partner to express your feelings, get your issues out and to develop a deeper bond.”

Whenever you have an argument, you bring up something hurtful he did in the past.

“It’s like you’re holding a little fistful of trump cards,” says Lamble, “and those cards may be something huge, like an affair, or something small, like forgetting your anniversary. Then no matter what you’re arguing about, you pull out that trump card and say, ‘Well I’m still not over that’ – and you win the argument because nothing you have or haven’t done is as bad as what they did a week, six months or 20 years ago. That’s really unfair.”

Rip up the trump cards.

“If your partner has apologised for his mistake and you’ve made an informed decision to stay with him, it’s time to leave it in the past. Focus on today and resolve the things that happen in the here and now.” If you really can’t move on, however, Lamble suggests it may be a sign you need couples counselling to help resolve the issue