Sometimes the end of a friendship can be as sad as the end of a romantic relationship. Says Andi, “It’s traumatic because there is no closure. You are left with many unanswered questions and you do not get to say goodbye.”

If ghosting happens to you, it is okay to ask for answers. But try to avoid coming across as defensive or resentful. You may not have been ghosted – they may just be forgetful or suddenly busy dealing with a family emergency,

But let’s say you really have been ghosted. It’s hurtful, but it’s important to realise it may says more about them than you. Jealousy is often a reason for ghosting – they may be jealous of you.

Ghosting can also happen when there is a lack of reciprocity. Friendships stay strong when both people feel they are getting something great from the relationship. Maybe they feel you no longer serve a purpose in their lives? Assuming that you are doing your best to be a good friend you have to wonder if the problem lies with them? Maybe they were using you to get something. And now they have it, they don’t need you anymore? It;’’s hurtful to think about, but it may give you the clarity you need to move on.

Blame social media and smartphones. Technology has made it much easier to ghost people. Andi says part of the problem is that we have lost the art of politely saying goodbye.

“Before smartphones, people would make plans when they finished a conversation. It was social culture and etiquette to discuss when you would meet next. It sometimes happens now, but not often.

“Culture has changed. We feel that we do not have to end every chat with information about when we will meet next because we can always just shoot them a text later. And if we need to catch up, we can follow them on any of the social media platforms and messaging apps we all use.”

Sometimes we ghost because we want to avoid confrontation. You realise you’ve grown out of the friendship, or they hurt your feelings in some way. But rather than saying anything, you just ghost the person and hope they take the hint.

It’s normal to want to avoid confrontation. And you may feel that ghosting someone is a way to let them down gently. Sure, you can text them, “It was okay to meet you at the conference but I am too busy to meet up for coffee”, but that feels mean. So you just ignore their texts and hope they go away.

But Andi still believes it is better to say something than cut someone off with no reason. She says, “I think it is better to explain what happened and how you feel. This way you are giving the person the chance to learn and improve.”

Yes. If the person is behaving in a toxic way, or they make you feel unsafe it is fine to ghost them. There’s no need to reply to their texts if they are sexist, racist or lying to you. And if they are repeatedly unreliable and flakey – for example often cancelling meetings at the last moment, or rescheduling on a whim – it may be easier to ghost them.

Because if someone wants to be with you, they will make time for you. It is as simple as that

Says Andi, “Ghosting is okay if you feel unsafe or disrespected.”

Text: Bauer Syndication / ARE Media

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