Sitting at the kitchen bench, I tell my husband about my day. As he chops vegetables, I recount our son’s antics, my increasing workload and what I’ve planned for the weekend. I look up for some acknowledgement. The lights are on but no one’s home. “Have you heard anything I’ve said?” I growl through gritted teeth. He looks up and nods. The reality is he hasn’t. I’m simply background noise.
This situation is common in households around the world. However, for women, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. It’s long been accepted that we should listen more than we talk.
“Society, in general, serves and reinforces the values and ideals of dominant groups, which are largely comprised of [certain types of] men,” says Kerri Whittenbury, Senior Research Fellow, Department of Social Work at Monash University.
“Who is heard, or which groups are heard, is strongly related to who has power. Powerlessness and silence tend to occur together.”
When a woman is outspoke, Kerri notes, she’s often viewed negatively, particularly in the corporate world. When using similar communication strategies to men, women are labelled with unflattering terms such as ‘aggressive, bitchy, bossy or a ball-breaker’. So, perhaps it’s not then surprising that many women’s voices often get lost in the crowd, along with their confidence.
“Being unheard often brings up feelings of self-doubt, which can cause a decrease in confidence and subsequent feelings of being disrespected and unappreciated,” says Jodie Bruce-Clarke, founder of RiSe Women, a business dedicated to helping women build their confidence.
Here’s how to turn up how well people tune in.