There is a saying that sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Self-sabotage is a very real problem for some of us, and often we do not even know we are doing it. “Self-sabotage can happen directly or indirectly – and sometimes indirect self-sabotage is hard to spot,” explains Domonique Bertolucci, the author of 7 Days Mindset Makeover: Reframe Your Thoughts And Take Charge Of Your Life.
Married, with two children, Domonique is a best-selling author and “happiness coach” who specialises in helping people define what they want out of life. More than ten million people have accessed her online courses or attended her coaching sessions. She’s held them in cities all around the world, including New York, Hong Kong, Singapore and Toronto.
She explains more about how sneaky self-sabotage can rob you of your dreams. “An example of direct self-sabotage is eating a large dessert or cake when you want to cut back on sweets to lose weight.” But there is also indirect self-sabotage, which can show up in many ways. For example, maybe you procrastinate about going to bed on time the night before a big work interview. In turn, this means you find it difficult to wake up and then show up to the important interview tired and flustered.
Or maybe you start projects but never finish them? Even when an exciting opportunity lands in your lap, you somehow can’t get going. Or perhaps you dream about reaching an important personal goal in your life, but you never get around to doing anything about it. You have the dream… but something stops you from moving forward.
These are all examples of indirect self-sabotage. But why do we self-sabotage like this? What’s at the bottom of it all?