“I Was Born From An Affair”— Children From ‘The Other Family’ Speak Out

Cheating is messy and painful. Insidious, even. Not just for the people involved in the affair and their spouses, but it also ripples outward and impacts children and entire families, even long after the affair is over.

In a Reddit thread, Singaporeans who grew up around infidelity shared an experience that’s not often discussed: what it’s like being the children caught in the middle.

The OP (Original Poster) started the discussion by opening up about growing up as the child of a long-term affair.

They shared: “I’m a child of an affair where everyone is Singaporean/living in Singapore. Dad and wife are officially married and have two kids (younger kid [is] one year older than me). Dad met my mum at work and has had a 25-year affair with her, right until his death. No one in my family, especially my mum, wants to talk about it. Not sure if Dad’s wife knows and never met her. Feels so strange.”

The OP clarified that they did not support cheating and were simply curious if others had similar experiences.

“Not sure how the previous generation perceived this. Curious to know if there are others in the same boat.”

More people joined the conversation, including a woman who revealed that she grew up unaware that the man she called dad was not her biological father.

“My biological father was married and had a three-year affair with my mom, which led to me being conceived. When he found out, he panicked and gave my mom money to have an abortion, but she refused,” she shared.

She explained that her mother later married someone else while she was still pregnant and he’d raised her as his own. “I only found out at 12, when my maternal grandmother told me.”

“It was an earth-shattering moment, and I felt completely betrayed.”

Beyond the emotional turmoil

For some families, the consequences extend far beyond emotional pain.

Another Redditor described how their father’s death left them in financial hardship and impacted their residency status.

“Life was brutal. He passed on when I was 16 without leaving a proper will, my mom, my bro and I suddenly lost financial support overnight,” they wrote.

Because the family members were not Singapore citizens, the situation quickly became even more difficult.

“All of us were not SC [Singapore citizens], the school fees were brutal. Mom was on WP [work permit] back then and wasn’t allowed to stay in SG anymore when my bro turned 18.”

“The worst part? We couldn’t just pack up and leave Singapore since we grew up here… my bro and I grown up without knowing our passport national language. (It’s like Indonesian nationality without knowing Bahasa language at ALL.)”

They also revealed that their father, who was a Singaporean citizen, had allegedly registered a fake given name and changed their surname on the birth certificate.

Nowhere to call home

One commenter spoke about having to constantly move between relatives after their family situation fell apart.

“My dad is the other guy. Mum was married and had me. Not sure about the exact details, but growing up, my half-sister was staying with me, and then [my] half-brother with his own dad. They were never divorced, as I heard, and my parents were never married. Life is [was] pretty good until my mom found another boyfriend while still living with my dad.”

Caught in the fallout, the netizen was shuffled between relatives until their half-sister stepped up and took them with her, even though she was still a teenager and had to work and study at the same time.

“Now that I have grown older, I have cut ties with both mum and dad, though me and my sister don’t contact [each other] often, I will forever be grateful to her.”

POVs from the other side

Children from the “official” families also shared the emotional toll of discovering a parent’s double life.

One found out towards the last few years of his father’s life that he had a mistress for years. “I could not reconcile [with it] and it really shattered every image and memories of the only dad I have in my life,” they shared, adding that they were even worried someone unknown might appear at their father’s funeral claiming to be another sibling.

But with time, they realised the children born from affairs were not the ones at fault. They added that now that they’re older, they don’t blame the children born from the affair, but were not planning to reach out to them.

“Life is not always perfect and it’s okay. It does affect how I view marriage and family commitment deeply though, as I don’t want another child to go through this pain,” they added.

Another shared the negative impact on their family: “My father was 14 years older than my mum, and he had affairs and wanted to randomly “adopt” a random woman’s kid, couldn’t tell ya how much it negatively affected us,” adding that they wouldn’t recommend the OP approach the “official” family. “You may be met with anger, speaking from the resentment I had when we found out,” they said.

‘My world crashed’

One user recalled being caned and scolded by their mother while growing up. She had spiralled into depression after finding out her husband had an affair when she was pregnant.

My father went on to not have one kid, but two with the same mistress (and maybe more, which I won’t know) and my world crashed when I knew about it while I was in secondary school.

They confessed that they couldn’t help but hold a grudge against their father and the other children because their father compensated them with a lot of money, since he didn’t spend a lot of time with them.

“But he didn’t spend a lot of time with us too because of work,” they said. “If he did not have those affairs, we would probably be a lot richer and happier, and my mom maybe wouldn’t have to go through so much pain.”

Kids pay the price too

While every family situation is different, the stories shared in the thread point to a common narrative: children often carry the emotional and real-life consequences of affairs.

For parents, these stories are a reminder that cheating rarely involves just the grown-ups. Kids can grow up struggling with trust issues, unstable home situations, money problems, complicated family relationships, and even lasting views about love and commitment.

And even when parents try to shield them from the truth, it can still impact their sense of security, identity, and belonging.